An Unexpected Addition (Fili Fiction)

Epilogue

The doors swung open and I stepped through them, not into my fate or into my destiny. I simply stepped through doors in the way an average person would. We do it all of the time, do we not? These doors were elegant and had gold carvings and decoration all around them. They were big, heavy and some of the most intriguing doors I'd ever seen but I only walked through them because they were doors. 

What am I saying? This has no point, no purpose. It only sounds nice but I suppose if you can find meaning in it, then kudos to you. 

In any case, when I entered the room and Fili's body lay before me, I started to cry. I knew I would. There was no stopping it. Everyone else began to cry too as if something was in the air and I was infecting us all. I walked up to his body but he didn't look like himself. I knew he was already gone...

Whoever said that funerals was the last time you'd be able to talk to the diseased was a nut job because I knew that I could talk to him when I wanted. I don't know if he would listen or if he even could but i would remember him and think of him. I would talk to him... 

If he couldn't hear me later, he couldn't hear me now. I don't know why funerals make that difference.

I said my final goodbyes, held his hand, and grieved for days. 

~+~

I did get married. 

I got married to a dwarf named Bronse Fairweather when I felt the time was right for me to love again. It wasn't the same as Fili though. Not that I loved Bronse any less or any more, it was simply different and that is why I will never forget the memories he gave me. 

Do I wish that I had saved him? I try not to answer that question even when Bronse asked me or when my son asked me. Would I be a different person if Bronze, my son, had been Fili's? I would, wouldn't I. I'd be Queen and we'd have many children but eventually, I let that go. I had to let that future go and be happy with the one I had...

Bilbo left me years ago and I suppose it was bound to happen. Even though I'd spent so much time around him on the journey, we felt more distant than we ever did. 

Thorin and I remained close and the same went for the others. Kili will become King soon enough and that worries me fiercely because I'm not sure if he's ready for such a responsibility. Balin and I go for tea very often too which is always nice... He gives me advice very often and has taken care of me. 

I am happy.

I love Bronse. I love Bronze. I love Fili and I know I'll never forget him.