Subjects Vengeance // The Death Cure [2]

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C H A P T E R  F I F T E E N
"At first I wanted to protect you, my little flower but there's nothing fragile about you. I began to see the fire in your belly and the steel running down your back."

☼

Mataya sat against a crate, her head rested against it as her eyes lingered on the sleeping boy across from her. He looked so peaceful on the cot, no look of worry or concern present. If anything, he had looked younger that he usually does. 

With a pang of sadness, she sighed and looked away, watching Brenda stroll up next to his cot and lean down next to it, her hand reaching out to push some hair from his face before she jerked it back - second guessing herself. 

Mataya had hated herself for a moment. Feeling like she was the universe - trying to keep the two away from each other but she couldn't help it for the sake of her own well being. She loved Thomas. She loved him with every inch of her aching bones and she didn't want to see him love someone who wasn't her. 

She couldn't bare to see him love someone because it would mean that every part of her body would ache with pain and sadness of knowing she wasn't good enough. Thomas always made her feel good enough. 

She shut her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat. Since when did she become so selfish?

"A penny for your thoughts?" 

She snapped her eyes open and looked up at his sandy blonde hair and big brown eyes. He pointed to the empty spot beside her and she nodded, scooting over a bit as he bent down beside her. 

He lifted a bottle of brown liquid and shrugged, "Found it in one of the crates." He said, swinging the bottle closer to her face, making the liquid swish around inside. "Tastes a lot like Gally's moonshine back in the maze." He sighed, "Is it weird that it reminds me of...home? Whatever that may be." 

Mataya shook her head, grabbing the bottle and bringing it to her lips. "The glade was kind of like your home. You don't know what home was before that." She took a gulp, her eyes shutting as she pulled the bottle away with absolute disgust. 

Newt laughed, grabbing the bottle that she held far away from her face and placed the cap back on. After a moment, he settled down, his eyes lingering to the floor. "The maze looks a lot like heaven now that I think about it." 

"And why do you say that?" She asked with a quirked eyebrow. 

Newt let out a long sigh, "We had a system going. Everything was just...easy. And I sort of liked not knowing what was on the outside. Not knowing that there was an escape." 

"Would you have been happy living that way for the rest of your life though?" 

Newt shook his head, "I mean, no, I guess not." He shrugged. "That's all life ever was to me and it still is. I don't know what life was like before all this bugging stuff started happening and it just makes me...angry. Only knowing that this is what life is all about." 

Mataya reached for the brown liquid once again "And what is this life all about?" 

"That's it though! I don't know and I feel like I never will know. With this buggin' Flare eating away at my brain every second of every day. How will I ever know if I'm just gonna be absolutely bonkers by the time this is over. If it ever ends." 

"Don't talk like that. We can find a way. We can figure it out." 

"No, we can't Mataya." He shook his head, "I can feel it eating away at every piece of humanity I have left. It's like my head isn't straight anymore and I just can't handle it. I don't want my look on this world to be a shitty one when it's over."