Starting over

Chapter 30

I wake up and my eyes are puffy. I stumble to the bathroom and wash my face. I look up and my hair is a mess. I put it in a bun then change into leggings and a band sweatshirt. I find some food in the kitchen. Tess gets up and goes into the bathroom. Once she is out she comes and sits next to me.

"Are you ok Becca?" I nod slowly but she doesn't seem convinced.

"I am fine." I say softly.

"You know you said you would talk to Harry today." I nod. "Are you ok with that?"

"I keep my promises unlike some people." I say referring to Harry. He said he would be he for me and I was his one and only. I wonder if he said that to jade too. "You don't think I am over reacting right?"

"Not at all! When someone cheats on you it's a big deal!" She says and I nod. I get up and make myself some tea. My throat is scratchy like I am about to get sick. I hold my mug in my hands when I hear a knock at the door.

"Hey." I hear a familiar voice say. Tess doesn't say anything back. I smile slightly. They walk in with Harry behind Tess.

"I will be in your bedroom if you need anything." Tess says and walks out. She gives Harry a warning look before she disappears into my room.

"Let's sit in the living room." He says and I follow him there. I sit down on the opposite side of the couch. I put my knees to my chest and rest my mug of tea on the top of my knee. I blow on it to help it cool down.

Harry coughs and I looks up for a second then focus on my tea again. "I am sorry." He says. That's all he is going to say? Pathetic.

"That's it?" I ask raising my voice. "After you cheat on me. Then come to my house drunk in the middle of the night. And all you have to say is I'm sorry. I'm sorry Styles but you are going to have to do better than that." I say coldly and he flinches. I know what I said was harsh, but he has put me through so much. Almost too much for me to bare.

"You didn't let me finish." He says quietly. "I never meant to hurt you. I love you Becca and you know that."

"I'm not so sure any more." I say taking a sip of my tea. I burn my tongue and jump a little.

"There are some things that you don't know about Jade." He says. "Last time we toured she came with us. We had a thing. Towards the end of the tour I stopped having feelings for her. But she still thought we had something. So I broke it off and she finally stopped texting me. Then I met you. I totally forgot all about jade when you came into my life. You were all I ever talked about. The boys were probably sick of hearing about you but I couldn't help myself. You were amazing and still are. Then while we were stranded in the woods, Jade texted me. I didn't get it until we got home. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to hurt you. You meant everything to me. I didn't want you to tour with us because she started sending texts almost every hour says how she will always be around even if I don't invite her to tour with us. I knew that she wouldn't stop and their was nothing I could do about it. When you heard me talking about her, I was asking my mom what I should do about her. I had no idea how to tell her that I moved on and I didn't like her anymore." He pauses and wipes his eyes. I have nothing to say. I just sit there staring at Harry.

"After you left, I was lost without you. There was nothing in my life. I had no joy. You always make me smile and without you I didn't. Last night I had a little bit to drink and I had to come over to talk to you. It probably wasn't a very good idea because I was so drunk. I am sorry about this whole thing. If you are still mad I understand. But please just rethink it. Becca I need you." He says and a tear falls down his cheek.

My eyes start to tear up too. "Harry." I say pausing. "I forgive you." He immediately smiles and gets up to give me a hug. I hold up my hand to stop him. "But I am still mad at you. You should have told me. It would have saved you a lot of trouble. I don't know if I can trust you the way I did before. Harry I love you, you know that. I just need a break. We can be friends." He looks devastated.

"Ok." That's all he says. He sits back down and puts his face in his hands.

"Someone else also told me a secret." I say and he looks up, confused. "Niall told me about his feelings towards me." I say and his mouth drops.

"You aren't considering him are you?!" He says looking a mixture of sad, mad and surprised.

"I don't know what I am doing to be completely honest with you. But he seems to be honest and caring." I say. I love Niall but not in the way I love Harry. Niall would be a cute boyfriend and I know he would never to anything to hurt me. I used to think that about Harry but now I don't know if I should trust him or not.

"It's your decision." Harry says and gets up and leaves. I sit there stunned. That must have upset him. I sit there until Tess comes out.

"Everything ok?" She asks as if she hasn't been listening to everything that happened.

"He walked out when I told him about Niall." I say and she shakes her head.

"At least you can trust Niall." She says and I nod.

"I just don't feel the same about him. He is more like my best friend than my boyfriend." I say and she shakes her head.

"Niall is so much better." She says.

"What do you have against Harry?" I say getting defensive.

"Well let me think. He just cheated on you." She says.

"He did not! She wouldn't leave him alone." I yell at her.

"Fine. Believe the liar. But I don't think he is good for you." She says and I roll my eyes.

"Everyone makes mistakes and he made one. But I love him Tess. I don't care what other people say." I say and she shakes her head. I tear up. "You don't understand."

"Oh! You don't think I understand?! Well I have had josh longer than you have had Harry. And at least he tells me everything." As soon as she says it she regrets it. The tears stream down my face.

"Get out." I say and she looks confused. I point towards the door. "Get out now."

She gets up slowly. "Becca. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." She says and I close the door. I have no one. I don't want to call Harry or Niall. Zayn will be able to help me.

I pull out my phone and I see that Harry texted me.

'Sorry that I walked out. I was upset and I didn't want to make things worse. Can I come over?' He asks.

Is that a good idea? Should I show him that I need him so fast after what happened? I need someone and he is as good as anyone else. I text him back telling him to come over right away. I wipe my eyes and try to calm myself. I hear a knock on the door in a minute.

As soon as I open the door he looks me over. "Are you ok?" He says and I sit down on the couch. I tell him what happened with Tess and I start to cry again. He moves over to me and I cry into his shoulder. He rubs my back to try to relax me.

"I don't know what to do." I say once I am able to talk again.

"I don't think she meant what she said."

"I hope so." I say and I lean against his shoulder.

"Does this mean we are ok?" He asks.

"I'm not sure." I say and he kissed me on the top of the head.

"I hope so because I don't know what to do without you." He says and I hug him close.