Love What's Damaged (Editing)

It fells like ive been hit by an 18 and it hurts like bitch

Tracey's pov

I've been sitting in this stupid hospital for a good nine hours worried about Shane.

I tried to go through the doors many times but they would only sit me back in the waiting area.

Stupid doctor wouldn't even come give me a update.

"Shane Carter."

I spoke to soon.

"Yes I'm here for Shane Carter."

"Who are you family only."

I panicked.

"I'm his fiancé."

"Okay well what happened was that the bullet hit near the heart. It also broke a rib which punctured the lung. we had to do some surgery and he pulled through but we had to put him into a medically induced coma."

"When will he wake up."

"In the next two to three days."

"Okay when can I see him."

"Now actually he has a room and everything so you can go see him. Follow me."

We walked through a whole bunch of corridors until we reached his door.

"This is it."

I pushed open the door and saw Shane lying there on the bed with his eyes shut.

"Shane your an ass. Why did you have to go and get shot. Your going to be fine I know you will your Shane Carter. I'm not going anywhere until I see those brown orbs of yours again."

I couldn't help but feel guilty that I put Shane in this situation I mean he got shot because of me.

With those thoughts in my head I fell asleep leaning on Shane.

---

I woke up to a twitching beneath my head.

I looked up and saw Shane eyes opening.

"Shan-."

I was cut off by Shane's eyes rolling back into his head and him start writhing everywhere.

I ran outside to get help.

"HELP, HELP HE'S HAVING A SEIZURE DOCTOR, NURSE."

A bunch of nurses and doctors came into the room.

They started pulling out the defibrillator, but then I heard the most dreadful sound ever. The sound of a flat line.

They started to pull me out of the room.

"SHANE, SHANE NO NOOOOOOOO, SHANEEEEEEEE."

They got me out and I sat at the wall against the door.

I was shaking and sobbing at this point.

"Shane, Shane, Shane."

My chest started to hurt. Really bad.

I started to pull at my chest, scratch at it until someone shouted the most wonderful words I've ever heard.

"We've got a heartbeat."

I was put in that fucking waiting room again in those fucking uncomfortable chairs.

I sat there just thinking about Shane and my time with him.

I silently cried until two hours later the doctor came back out.

"What happened. He was waking up and then all of a sudden this, what. happened?"

"Well he was coming out of the medically induced coma but his body didn't react well so he had a seizure and now he's in a coma this is not medically induced, because of this seizure and the coma its attacking his body there is a 90% chance Shane Carter will not be coming out of this coma."

My legs came from under me.

I sat on the floor just staring at the ceiling.

The doctor tried to help me up but my body was limp.

I felt numb. It fells like I've been hit by an 18 wheeler and let me tell you it hurts like a bitch.

My whole body shook but no tears came out. The feeling came back to my body so I got up and went to his room, silently.

What I saw broke my already ripped to shreds heart.

Shane was hooked up to a bunch of tubes and wires.

I sat in the chair and just stared.

Why am I not in that bed. These are one of these moments that make me want to self destruct.

But I can't I know that if I do, how at all will that help Shane. That would just be me being selfish.

Before I could be selfish, but now I can't.

I sat there and stared for so many hours wishing he would just open his eyes.

I slept there and when I woke his eyelids shielded the brown orbs.

I sat and stared a little more until a knock sounded on the door.

I got up and opened the door.

In came Thia, Mark and Jay.

I saw Thia's hand go over her mouth in a gasp.

"Tracey I'm so sorry it's okay."

No it's not.

Mark just sat down, Jay kept standing.

" The bastard lied to me you know, he said when he was done he was going to come get me, I had to call police for what, I don't know."

Hmmmm. That's how they got there.

"He didn't come back so I was a little suspicious until I got a call saying he was in the hospital so I had to come see you both."

Mark and Jay just kept silent the whole time.

It was an hour later and Thia was the only one talking trying to lighten the mood.

"I gotta go so Mark I need a ride home Tracey I will help you through it okay, I'll be back tomorrow bye."

She left then Mark followed after her Jay was right behind him when he turned and said " He'll pull through."

I hope so.

---

I sat in that chair wallowing for a good two weeks. Thia would come around a lot but it wouldn't ease the pain at all .

Its around 12 o' clock at night and I'm tired beyond belief I want to sleep but the nightmares would come.

It was getting harder to fight the sleep so I succumbed to it.

IN THE DREAM.....

I walked out the hospital room to go to the bathroom when I saw what I'd been fearful of the whole time.

Shane's ghost. I started to cry.

"Hey babe you don't have to cry over me move go on you can go on without me it's okay."

"No Shane it's not okay I'm not going to imagine what that would be like Shane I can't move on without you. I need you."

"You need water. You need air. You need food. You don't need me Tracey."

"But Shane I do need you I lo-."

**********************************

" I love you. I love you. Shane I do need you you can't leave me I love you. be exceptional to the 10% please don't please don't leave me. Your like my air, my water, my food your my everything you sacrificed life for me and I'm sorry that I took so long to realize it that I didn't even get to tell you but Shane I love you come back to me please." I was crying by the end.

He stayed still not moving.

So I did something I haven't done in a good while.

I prayed to the man on the top floor.

I prayed for ten minutes until I heard a groan but I heard words.

"Went to church without me Trayle."