When Jaida Met Kadeem

29

"I can't believe he didn't tell you..." Janet said as her eyes followed me around my kitchen. I carelessly picked up a frying pan before placing it on the cooker, humming a little tune under my breath as I went about preparing a meal for me and my girls.

"Jay, are you ok?" Tiana's voice piped up carefully.

"I wouldn't be...Daniel took the p*ss!" Bri stated before kissing her teeth. "And he had the nerve to shout at you and accuse you of hiding something?"

"I don't understand why he didn't tell you his mum was here though." Janet's voice continued from behind me. I spun around and faced her.

"Why do you think?" I scoffed. "He's ashamed of me." I finished before turning back around and continuing with my cooking.

I felt numb. I didn't want to allow myself to feel anything for the situation. What would sitting around crying over it do? That was all I ever did in situations similar to this, Shane, Curtis...Kadeem, I have shed so many tears and let my life revolve around boys so much since I first moved in with my Aunty. There was so much drama in my life and it was all because of my uncontrollable need to be loved. I didn't want to do this anymore. I've had enough.

"Nah man you can't say that you've had enough," Daniel began to plead as he suddenly reached out for my wrist. My eyes automatically went down to look at his hand desperately clinging onto me. I felt...nothing. I slowly met his eyes once more and the look plastered across his face was guilt. He just looked incredibly guilty. "I know it looks bad, Jaida. But you need to believe me when I say it not got anything to do with me being ashamed of you. I didn't want her finding out about you because it's got nothing to do with her."

"She's your mum," I responded as I yanked my wrist out of his grasp.

"We don't get along, I haven't seen her in three years. She called me up out of the blue and we were trying to get our relationship back on track. She doesn't know anything that's going on in my life, Jay please believe me," He explained desperately but I didn't feel anything, I wasn't reassured by knowing this...nothing. After remaining silent for a few minutes he called my name.

I looked up at him in response to this, "Yeah?" I said softly.

"Do you forgive me?" he answered in a soft voice as he moved closer towards me placing his hands on my hips, I could feel his breath lightly hitting my face. I swiftly moved away from him, this caused him to throw me a curious look.

"Daniel if you want me to be really honest," I began. "I really don't care." I continued letting out light laugh of disbelief because when I said it out loud it was confirmed, I really didn't give a damn. "You can go about your business because I don't have the energy for you or anyone. I just want to do me," I heaved out a sigh of relief after getting this off my chest before looking to see the reaction on his face.

"This is because of Kadeem, isn't it?" he asked me, his tone hard. I was startled – how did Kadeem get himself involved in this?

"No Daniel, it really isn't." I corrected him. "This is about me finally realising what it important. Me and Janelle, my life and making something of myself not getting stressed out over relationships and getting into the same old arguments with you. Because it seems like whatever I do these days I can never convince you that I have feelings for no-one else but you. You always turn everything into an argument, dragging up the past –"

"Can you blame me?!" he interrupted. "What kind of girl stays in contact with all the man she f*cked? Being all affectionate and sh*t with guys she used to have feelings for –"

"Someone who can let go of the past and move on!" I cut in.

"Nah...how can you move on from the past when you're always being reminded of it, that's not moving on Jaida. And don't try lie and say you haven't been tempted with Kadeem, Rex or any other guy you've beat that I don't know about..." he said.