Shy Boy - Zayn Malik

~16~

I am now,guess.

That's right. On a date with Harry. He's fun but I don't like him the way he likes me and it's freaking complicated. Life is hard. Zayn wasn't at school again today and i wonder when he is coming back. "Zia." I hear Harry say breaking my thoughts. "Uh, yes." I say as his smile drops. I twirl my olive garden bread stick in my hands as he looks at me.

"What." I ask feeling uncomfortable. "Oh nothing. You're really pretty tonight." he says as I smile but my heart aches. It just feels like whenever I hear him compliment me, I wish someone else would do that. I don't quite know who, but I'm sure I'll find out. Maybe it's just because I don't like Harry like this. "Thanks." I smile anyways. "Right. We should probably get going." he says as we both get up.

As he escorts me to my door steps I smile and thank him. "I loved every second Zia. Thanks." he says as I peck him on the cheek. It wasn't the same feeling as when I did Zayn. When I kissed him on the check it was magical. But Harry I felt nothing but guilt for leading him on.

Next day at school*

As I walk down the hall to my first class I notice people by Zayns locker. It was Emma and her squad ripping stuff out of it. Oh my gosh what the f#ck. I walk fast through hall. "What the hell! Get out of his locker." I say as she turns around dropping a blue book she was about to open.

" oh look. Misses loser. Whore. Are you coming to defend your boyfriend." she harrasses as I boil. "We are friends. And you are the loser. Now get out of his stuff." I yell getting mad. "Oh Zia, we all know who you were before and we all know how you bullied his friend." she says as I remember how I bullied his friend. Only I didn't know it was his sister. She was so much prettier than I was and I became jealous. She never told Zayn.

A wash of guilt hit me like a wave on the cliffside. And so did Emma. She pounded me into the locker and kicked me. I felt so guilty I couldn't even fight back. Just then the principle came and told us to go our one ways. I stood up and started putting stuff in his locker. Ugh. Why did I do that. I feel so damn guilty. I put everything in and I'm about to close his locker when I see i missed the blue book.

I pick it up to see it is his journal. It says quotes on the front. Curiosity gets the better and I look in it. I flip to the latest which was three days ago. The day he left to who knows where.

Dear journal,

If no one cares about me, does this mean I'm not important?

Millions of people ask this question, people who have rough or hard lives. And even people with 'perfect' lives. And they think there's no use in trying anymore, in living. This is one of the many things they ponder on as there limited time goes buy. Time isn't ours, it's nobody's really. And while other people can easily answer no to this question, which means they are nice, beautiful, fun, and worth something, many people also answern yes. My answer,yes.

Zayn

My eyes start to swell while reading it. I wish I could give Zayn happiness. I wish with all my heart. I gently put the book in his locker closing it. After that I run into an empty class room only being able to see very blurry. I sink to the floor and cry. Im missing my first class and I don't even care. Knowing Zayn feels this way and knowing I made part of his departed sisters life a misery. How the hell am I even a good person anymore. Im not. "Zia?" I hear as I look up. "Hey Grace, Summer. Howve you been?" I ask as the come up. "Fine. Look we are really sorry. Liam and Niall are too." Summer says as Grace nods.

"Oh thanks guys. It's just, my life is such a mess." I say as Grace hugs me and Summer soon follows. "She. It's fine." They say as I smile. "So has Emma rejected you guys for feeling like she was wrong." I ask turning sarcastic again. "Oh well, she kinda just yelled at us and said whatever. We still talk though." Grace says as I smile. "Wow thanks you two." I smile at my two real friends. "So, you And Harry?" Summer asked as I nodded. "Seems so." I sigh as they looked at me weird. "Well, don't you like him?" Summer asks as I nod. "Yeah, but not like that. I kinda said yes because Emma ditched him and I felt sorry." I say as they nod in understandment. "Sure, well. If you need to talk to any of us if you get a little tired of Harry or Zayn, just call us you have our numbers." Summer says as Grace nods. I wave bye as they walk out.