Indecisive

Chapter 14

"What?! Why! What did I do wrong?" I was trying to find him in the darkness, feeling the space in front of me with futility. I felt really blind but I was hurt by the things he did to himself. I was starting to tear.

I felt his hands grabbing my arms, wiping the tears away from my eyes.

"Why are you crying, Harley? You should be scolding me. I know you hate suicidal things. But why are you crying instead?"

I was at a loss of words. I just can't think right in this situation. I felt so heartbroken by his actions. "I don't know..."

"Have you ever asked yourself, that you might be overly caring for me?" I felt Zen placing his hands over mine. However, my eyes still haven't adjusted to the darkness.

"I don't know. I know I will care for you, no matter what. But this. It was as if I felt your pain. Tell me, Zen. Why did you cut yourself? What did I do to you?" I was choking on to the tears forming in my throat. This time, he was caressing my arms.

"You felt my pain huh?" I heard him smirked. "It's hard to tell you. But I will tell you. Not now, maybe later. For now, I just want to rest. Sorry for your wasted trip."

I felt steps sinking into the bed as Zen crawl passed me to lie down. There was an ear-piercing silence for a good whole minute. Memories of Zen and I swept past me as if I was losing him sooner or later. He was more than a friend, a very close bonded friend.

He was like my other half, understanding me so well. No one could. Not even my girlfriends. But I was hurting him? I really want to know how. I felt useless, the worst for making him do something so painfully disturbing.

The last I can remember was me telling him that I'll be busy for the day because I went out with Glenn. Could it be that I going out with Glenn affected him? I'm just going out with him, except for the kissing part. He kissed me first. It wasn't me who started it. I was getting confused and irritated, frustrated and in distress.

Before I knew it, I felt a strong arm grabbing my waist, pulling me back and forcing me to something as hard as wall. I guessed I was lying down with my back facing him.

Zen whispered, "Don't move. Stay in this position for a while."

I stayed as still as death, contemplating whether I should push him away. My heart was thumping so hard, till I can feel myself blush a full red. It was the first time getting back-hugged by a guy. Furthermore, on a bed.

He was hugging me tighter around my waist. He slipped another arm through the empty space between my neck and the bed, then over my shoulder length. By now I was like a giant teddy bear for him to hold. He went so close to my neck, I felt his hot breath on me. I was feeling a bit uncomfortable with the heat and distance, so I tried to wriggle myself free.

"Zen, it's a bit too-"

"I love you, Harley. So very much."