~Zodiac signs~

~The signs as funny headlines~

Aries: "Old man, 98, wins lottery then dies next day"

Taurus: "Drunk Florida man tries to use taco as ID"

Gemini: "Once armed man applaudes the kindness of strangers"

Cancer: "Jellyfish apocalypse not coming"

Leo: "Homicide victims rarely talks to police"

Virgo: "Bridges help people cross rivers"

Libra: "Woman missing since she got lost"

Scorpio: "Best man left bleeding after being hit in the head by flying dildo"

Sagittarius: "Diana was still alive hours before she died"

Capricorn: "Hispanics ace Spanish tests"

Aquarius: "Bugs flying around with wings are flying bugs"

Pisces: "Physics predict world didn't end yesterday"

- Blondie.