ShaneM Original Poetry Collection

Hideous Love Story

Up every night screaming and crying, inside I feel like I am dying. Suicide attempts, I swear one night I'll end up flying. Every time I cut, I cut for you, for the blade to remain true. For my blood to bleed yours. So, deep into my wrist, it pours and it pours. It seeps deep into the wooden floors. Deep into my soul, my everything was for you. You were my love true, my hardly blue. On the hottest of days, you were the wind that blew. Everything inside of my mind, inside of my soul and my heart. You were the light that turned off and fell everything apart.

I scream and I cry, alone I try and I try. Bloodied knuckles punching walls. My head's an insane asylum; I'm the only monster of these halls. Dark shadows creep and fill, silently they seep and they weep, and they kill. Brightness shines through the windows, a happiness love with soft pillows. The insane in my pain, the Devil of my Hell, on another level there's secrets I could never tell. Shielded myself around loneliness to keep you as my shell.

Finds happiness, finds love. No more crappiness, finally high and above. The shadows of my mind, the past so terribly not kind. They find and they kill, "Oh you're happy now? It's my turn to kill." You're off by yourself, you're alone and you're fine. Entwine in yourself, you've shown and you shine. Lost in Hell, I can tell, you are no longer mine. Here I am, alone with demons sparing the life of mine. A new life for you, while I'm back in my past. Back where, before you, I was always last. Into the deepest of shadows, my happiness was cast.

Brought among you and brought before you. Our love song unsung but still felt true, your deathly poisoned tongue bit me, and broke my heart to chew. Your fault and mine, your default is to always whine. To handle any pain greater than small, you were too weak to handle any of it at all. Too weak, not even strong enough to stand up and speak. Some things you should've said in time, but in time, were realized. But, it was too late to realize. Our love crumbled right before our eyes. We always held pain as a disguise.

Caught in the pain of depression, you stomp on my heart, you are my compression. Anger and agony, danger and my own tragedy. I am an evil monster waiting to be fed by your hand; I'm waiting for your last stand. I can't stand the pain, I can't stand being sane. So with every happy that I finally steal, I will destroy it and destroy them with how I feel. Not my intentions, but my deceptions of a nice guy will leave you alone to fall before you fly.

You're okay and you're happy. You've gotten a new fun life, a better one without me. I'm happy for you, so good for you. But it just shows how much you lied to me and hid the truth. Told me that you cared for me, that you were there for me, but in the end you weren't careful with me. Careful not to cheat, but to play and deceit. No love receipt, I accept defeat but I will always stand on my own two feet.

I'm lonely and I stay up at night and I cry with my only. Everything inside of my soul and my chest slowly withers and dies. I gave my life for you, I went to Hell for you. I expected nothing less, but I got everything less. With the good and evil inside of me, it's hard to keep someone to the side of me. I'm gentle and sweet, I swear. But I'm damned from the Devil's pretty little stare. I don't mean any harm, but in the end it always flows through and down my arm. I don't mean to be rude or to hate her, but I guess being an asshole is in my true nature.

The lesson you taught was not only caught by bloodied hands, but was sought with closed eyes. My screams and my cries, my deaths and my tries. I will give my all and my best, I will hold my heart to my chest. To the next, I swear, I will be good and I will care. Through your eyes, to burn your soul just by my passion stare. My all I will give, your life is for what I will live. Careful and gentle, fearful and central. What may be broken for good now, will be fixed for the next someway and somehow.

My ex, my less, you and your friends. No matter how hard we tried, our love bends. Believed we could never have been. Believed me to be a deceived and ugly face. A pathetic waste, nothing good from me. I believe you, but that will change. Shot downrange and always a creepy strange. Made me feel like nothing, but I will prove to you I was something. I will be something. And it will no longer be yours, because you could've slept overnight with me on my creaky old floors.

What could've been better for us, you misread my suicide letter and took the bus. You were my suicide letter. So, when you see me with an angel of life, don't try to come back to my knife. When you see that I treat someone else better than I ever did you, just remember the truth. The words I speak, the words I feel are true. I should've listened to her too; I should have never loved you.

11/19/16