Reality Of Recovery

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In a reality of recovery,

Healthy and happy

May not always mean stable.

Smiles and laughs,

Joy and fun,

All until the sound of a gun.

No sadness, no madness

Just leftover insanity,

Left from lack of vanity

Or perhaps, lack of humanity.

Darkness regains, appearing again

No reason, just to remind you of back then

No problems, just bottled

Suicide thoughts are throttled

Though it may be normal through recovery,

Is it normal to be your own discovery?

To find your own self in reality, to feel two sides

No struggles, no worries, just hidden stress

And old stories

Meant to say one thing, but comes out another

"I don't want to be awake."

"I don't want to be alive."

No sadness, no pain, no depression or insanity madness

Still the thoughts of death roam through the head,

Recovery might as well be dead

If this is how life is lived, how rewards are earned

Perhaps it is to stay numb for which we yearned

No matter how, no matter they

The world will come to an end if to stay

There is no reality of recovery,

No healthy and happy,

There is only damaged and wounded,

Battered and scarred.

Bettered and soothed,

Makeshift fixed, bandages cover

The damage is done, for it may be shut in the heart

But never the soul and mind

Only all alone, in the midst of reality darkness

Will they be torn apart.

8/5/16

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