I'm afraid
Of what may become
I'm afraid
Of what has been undone
The fear is scarce and it is scared
I'm afraid of what has been before
What the story told, what it held for
Lies and deceit, demise and retreat
That is all to hold, nothing but defeat
Thoughts race and anxiety thickens
Fear scares and my heart sickens
I'm afraid of the pain, of what took my sane
What has happened every single time in the past
I'm afraid of what will never last;
Love
Surely not that,
Pain always lasts
Not love, love will fall behind
And turn into more pain, so unkind
Perhaps it's me, and what I attract
Or maybe I'm unstable and my life isn't intact
Bringing in all those that lie
Those that are fake, those that never cry
I'm afraid of what happens at night,
When I'm all alone and there's no one to hold me tight
Everyone else is sound asleep,
And I'm left to break and die as I weep
Told to hold on and wait
Someday you'll meet your fate
But I can't see that as true,
I've only ever seen through blue
"You'll meet your true love one day."
So what, that's not today?
Meaning who is here now,
Won't always be around?
Pitiful and dead, stupid and mislead
Beautiful and red, I've lost my head
Soul and heart too,
But I can still feel those
They're slowly dying, when will they ever disappear, who knows
I'm afraid of the words that love will align
Those that make your smile shine
Afraid to find they're all lies
And killed is that smile as it withers and dies
We all fake smiles, but we can't fake broken hearts
Some say they smile so you can't tell they've fallen apart
Truth is, when the heart is cracked and open
Your smile will forever remain broken
Even my real smiles still hold cracks
Showing back when my heart turned black
My eyes show the restraint
Convicted of life, withered distaint
I'm afraid of everything
Not just something
But always turned to nothing
I'm afraid of the words I hear,
The stories they tell
I'm afraid of when they will yell
Scared to death
By the fear of my own breath
I'm afraid to fall again,
And be left again
To be lost and broken
Again, to be left unspoken
I'm afraid for deceit to fall on I
To reveal their every lie
To be played over again, as I always have
Afraid of being looked as an empty half
Overall,
I'm scared of it all
Every single feeling in my head
Everything I feel when I'm mislead
Makes me think that's all any ever is and will be
Disbelief that maybe someday I will be free
Overall
I'm scared I'll fall
Not in pain,
But in love
I'm afraid of falling in love again
Just to be left
The broken and crazy one
Again.
5/18/17
YOU ARE READING
ShaneM Original Poetry Collection
PoetryTW: Dark and graphic emotions/thoughts. I am updating this collection of poetry as I have kind of left it alone for a long time. I started this in 2017, and while I have written many poems over the years, I have also stopped writing for a long time...