ShaneM Original Poetry Collection

I'm Afraid

I'm afraid

Of what may become

I'm afraid

Of what has been undone

The fear is scarce and it is scared

I'm afraid of what has been before

What the story told, what it held for

Lies and deceit, demise and retreat

That is all to hold, nothing but defeat

Thoughts race and anxiety thickens

Fear scares and my heart sickens

I'm afraid of the pain, of what took my sane

What has happened every single time in the past

I'm afraid of what will never last;

Love

Surely not that,

Pain always lasts

Not love, love will fall behind

And turn into more pain, so unkind

Perhaps it's me, and what I attract

Or maybe I'm unstable and my life isn't intact

Bringing in all those that lie

Those that are fake, those that never cry

I'm afraid of what happens at night,

When I'm all alone and there's no one to hold me tight

Everyone else is sound asleep,

And I'm left to break and die as I weep

Told to hold on and wait

Someday you'll meet your fate

But I can't see that as true,

I've only ever seen through blue

"You'll meet your true love one day."

So what, that's not today?

Meaning who is here now,

Won't always be around?

Pitiful and dead, stupid and mislead

Beautiful and red, I've lost my head

Soul and heart too,

But I can still feel those

They're slowly dying, when will they ever disappear, who knows

I'm afraid of the words that love will align

Those that make your smile shine

Afraid to find they're all lies

And killed is that smile as it withers and dies

We all fake smiles, but we can't fake broken hearts

Some say they smile so you can't tell they've fallen apart

Truth is, when the heart is cracked and open

Your smile will forever remain broken

Even my real smiles still hold cracks

Showing back when my heart turned black

My eyes show the restraint

Convicted of life, withered distaint

I'm afraid of everything

Not just something

But always turned to nothing

I'm afraid of the words I hear,

The stories they tell

I'm afraid of when they will yell

Scared to death

By the fear of my own breath

I'm afraid to fall again,

And be left again

To be lost and broken

Again, to be left unspoken

I'm afraid for deceit to fall on I

To reveal their every lie

To be played over again, as I always have

Afraid of being looked as an empty half

Overall,

I'm scared of it all

Every single feeling in my head

Everything I feel when I'm mislead

Makes me think that's all any ever is and will be

Disbelief that maybe someday I will be free

Overall

I'm scared I'll fall

Not in pain,

But in love

I'm afraid of falling in love again

Just to be left

The broken and crazy one

Again.

5/18/17