IRRESISTIBLE! (N.H.)

CHAPTER 50. DISTANT FROM YOU!

Hello people.
Here is it!

Bella's P.O.V.

5 months.
Exact 5 months.
And I have not seen or talked to him.
He doesn't even know where I am, how I am and what am I doing, and thats because I don't want him to know.

I loved him so much that I let him go.

I can never ever give him everything he wanted, but he never asked for anything from me.

And then maybe I was designed to stay alone.

But this traitor, my heart, always betrays me.
One moment promises to forget about him, but the next moment is all about that one Irish boy whom I loved.

The Irish boy I love.

The boy whom I hurt the most.

I didn't even deserve someone like him, someone who could love me so selflessly.
When an underdog gets love, he can seldom digest it, and I couldn't.
I messed up. Him and me, us.

But I always wish for what we almost had.

These months staying away from him, without listening to his voice, without looking him in the eyes, without his arms around me, I have been living without my heart and soul.

I got a heart.
And I got a soul.

But I did lose them both.
I lost them to him.

Life here in Australia, miles away from London , from him has not been the same.
My smile, I lost it the moment I told George about not telling him where we were going.

I wake up almost to nothing. There is no one to kiss my nose and no one is there whispering sweet things in my ear.

And I chose this life for myself.

I even separated my brother from his love. George and Leah.
I am sure that George hates me but he tells me the opposite whenever I am apologising.

It hurts.
Too much.

Australia made me a girl that I never was.
I dropped soccer cause I simply didnt want to do anything that made me happy, I dropped everything along the way because I don't deserve to be happy.

And now when I draw these scars on my wrists, I feel the pain, that's the only time I am contended with me doing something.

A knock on the door pulled me out of the trance of my thoughts.

"Yes?" And the door opened to Cassandra, my brother.

Well he was exact copy of George, the DNA didn't have the variation with these both tho.
But there was a thing about him that made him different and love him a bit , a bit more than George.

He was gay.

The moment he had told me, I still remember I had been happy for the first time here!

"Good morning and see what I made for you!" And there he was, with my coffee and grilled sandwiches. He had made it his habit.
We were just sitting and talking when I had tasted the sandwiches for the first time and from that day onwards I had not got a chance to taste Mom's breakfast.

"Thanks" and he kissed my cheek.

"So what has been my sister upto?" I sipped on my coffee and he took a bite of his sandwich.

"Nothing much, I have to leave for work tho". He sighed and that irritated me, they all want me to be happy, to smile again but what they don't know is that I don't want to smile and that I fucking don't want to be happy!