Thoughts and Things

Not Falling

When you're falling

you don't realize it

until you hit the ground.

And when you fall

from a height

like mine,

then the impact is almost certain

to kill you.

But, here I am,

alive,

barely alive,

and very

very

alone.

Since I started this fall

I've been deluding myself

and hoping

that I wasn't really falling

and praying

that I'd land somewhere

unharmed.

But this world

is full of pain

and prices to pay

and my price

was bigger than I'd thought.

And now I'm beginning to wonder

if it's all worth it.

The impact alone

should've killed me

but I suppose

I'm just very (un)lucky.

It's always a long fall from the top.

We all wish

we could go on dreaming

but then the ground hits you

and you wake up

and you realize

you were wrong.

Life hurts

when you're alone,

and I've managed

to shove every person I know

away from me

as I was falling.

I said it was to protect them,

but I was wrong.

Now

I have no one to help me up

and no one to help me fix things.

I am alone

and they will not come back

and it hurts more

than any hell I've been through.

So until I wither away

and die

I'll just bleed out these words of sorrow

and whisper apologies that no one will hear

and hope that no one

will make the same mistakes

that I have.