Thoughts and Things

Don't forget to remind me

I've never been good at keeping up a conversation.

Sometimes I get busy,

or I run out of things to say, 

or I fall asleep at my computer,

or I'm very very scared,

or I don't know what to say.

Yes, I'm surrounded by people-

but how do I start talking to a complete stranger?

I guess I'm just stuck in my old ways,

I'm just not interested in change.

I just want to keep the friends I have and forget about everyone else.

But when I go out of my way to approach the only person I know out of twenty or so people,

I can't shake the feeling that I'm bothering them.

I could've sworn I saw a look of annoyance,

of impatience, 

in their eyes when I approached.

So how on earth do I get the courage to walk up to them again?

I get so scared that I'm nothing but a problem

that I stop talking to these people,

my friends.

And sometimes I don't talk to them for so long

that when I do say something,

they ignore me.

I'm not ignoring you,

I'm not,

I'm just scared,

I don't know if you want me around or not 

and I'm very lonely now

but I've got no one to talk to 

so please, please,

just don't ignore me.

I'm sorry if I need constant reassurance

that you care,

that we're friends,

that you want to talk to me,

that I don't bother you-

I'm sorry.

But if you don't remind me, 

I find it hard to remember

just how much I matter to you.