Thoughts and Things

Long Distance

I love you.
I love you so goddamn much,
and I can't stop thinking about you,
and I'm sorry, I can't help but feel
that all I ever do is make anything worse.

You were right, you were right when you said
it was my idea to tell them;
I thought it was the right time,
I thought they'd take it better,
and I know it's my fault.
I just thought...
I hoped everything would turn out right,
and although I know it will be better one day,
I'm sorry I misjudged it all.
I'm sorry I made things harder on both of us.

One day, I know we'll be okay.
We'll make it through all of this, somehow.
I don't know how, but we will.
I just wish you were by my side again...
or at least I had some idea of how to go forward.

Because I remember seeing that pained look in your eyes,
I saw it more than once,
when you said that I had changed,
that I had lost some of my passion,
my confidence.
And I know you're right,
I've been looking everywhere
for that girl you met two years ago
and I've been trying to get back to her so badly,
but I've lost my way,
and now I don't even have you by my side to help guide me back.

I'm sorry I'm not quite there yet,
(that may be a gross understatement)
but I'm trying so hard-
not just for you, for myself as well;
I'm so tired of being crippled by fear-
but believe me, I'm trying so hard.

And as much as I miss you,
as much as I love you, whole-heartedly,
I can't help but wonder if some time apart is needed,
if it will do me some good to try working on myself
by myself.