Thoughts and Things

I'm lonely, so I sit by myself

I'm terrified.

I'm scared of ruining my life,

I'm scared of losing my friends,

I'm scared of forgetting.

I'm already screwing everything up.

I've gotten used to it,

but it doesn't make it better.

I'm scared of my friends.

I want them to be happy,

and I even want to impress some of them-

but now they're looking at me like I'm in the wrong.

They didn't say a damn thing when I went with the freak,

or the jerk,

or the guy looking to "get some".

But the guy who actually cares

is the one they look at with disdain.

I'm scared of forgetting him.

Different schools can't really be considered "long distance"-

but it's enough to keep us apart for weeks.

I'm afraid I'll forget what he looks like,

what he sounds like.

I'm terrified I'll forget what it's like to have his arms around me.

It's already fading, and I only saw him a few days ago.

I don't want to forget what it's like to hold him, and be held by him.

I don't want to forget how to be happy, dammit.

It's the only thing I've got.