Thoughts and Things

School is over in the afternoon, but I don't stop thinking

The hot sun beats down

on all the sweaty, teenage bodies

and I rest in the shade

to avoid the light.

There's conversation everywhere,

but I stand in silence-

not quite, I have music blaring,

but it's all in my head,

I might as well be in silence-

I keep scanning the crowd, 

as if someone new will appear,

but no one ever does.

People keep smiling, 

then they wave at their friends and leave.

Their friends tell them good-bye,

see you later, 

see you tonight,

see you tomorrow.

No one gives me a passing glance.

I tell myself not to worry

as I watch a group of girls walk to their car,

obviously having a sleepover or a party,

and I shut my eyes and listen to the music.

What shall we use

Wait, is she looking at me? Isn't she in my math class?

to fill the empty spaces

No, she's looking at that person over there-

where we used to talk

Oh wait, is he talking to me?

How shall I fill

No, he's not even looking at me-

the final places

Is that my ride? I can't tell, it's too far away-

How shall I

I think it's my ride, I have to squint to be able to see it-

complete the wall?

Yeah, there's my ride, better pause the music-

start walking, adjust your glasses, look around-

there's nothing but strangers everywhere I look

but I still look and wait

as if one of them will wave and tell me goodbye

like they do for their friends.

I still walk a little slower

and I still take a look around before I climb in the front seat

because I still think someone will notice that I'm gone

and they'll tell me how they hope to see me later.

And when I buckle my seatbelt and shut the door,

I know good and well

that no one out there on the front lawn

would notice if I hadn't been there that day

or the day before

and they probably wouldn't notice

if I never came back.

"How was your day?"

"It was fine, I guess."

"Is something wrong?"

"No. Just had a long day."