Thoughts and Things

Far worse things

"How would you know?

You've never had anything sad happen in your life!"

Excuse me?

How would I know what sadness is?

What, just because I'm sixteen

going on seventeen

means I know nothing?

Just because I force myself to smile

it means that I must be happy?

What do you think those pills are for?

Did you think my tears were fake?

Have you ever taken me seriously?

You said I didn't know sadness

because I'd only experienced two deaths-

both in the family,

both elderly grandparents who didn't have much time left anyway

and everyone knew they were going to die,

they were already putting name tags on their possessions

and DNRs on their medical papers.

First of all,

bullshit.

I've been to three funerals,

not including the wake of my best friend's mother,

and you've only been to two.

If we're going to count sadness by the number of funerals attended,

I've been to more than you have in your forty years on this godforsaken planet.

Secondly,

you forget that there are other things,

other causes for sadness.

Death is not the only source of depression.

In fact,

there are far worse things than death.

Depression isn't something that only exists when someone dies,

it doesn't only exist where people go through physical pain,

it simply

exists.

Don't discount my feelings because you think I haven't gone through anything.

You think you know, but you don't.

You don't know shit about what I've been through

and how I feel.

Sad things happen, and we just have to deal with it.

That's what I've been doing,

I've been dealing with it.

But don't chalk up how sad I am based on how many funerals I've attended;

please, for god's sake, don't.

There are so many things

worse than death, I promise.