Thoughts and Things

Where has she gone?

I can't help being nervous, being excited,

being scared.

Deep breath in, 

deep breath out.

I can't help wringing my hands together,

I can't stay still.

Deep breath in,

deep breath out.

I shut my eyes,

deep breath in,

deep breath out,

and I open them,

and I am not there.

I become a spectator,

sitting in the crowd like everyone else,

wondering who this girl is that stands before us.

The girl rolls her shoulders back and lifts her head,

good posture, good form,

and suddenly there's this look in her eyes,

a far off look,

a look of determination that wasn't there before.

How can it be the same girl? 

Is it the same girl?

She takes another deep breath,

and she opens her mouth to speak,

and there are no more doubts:

this is not the same girl.

Her voice doesn't shake,

she doesn't trip over her words,

and she hardly looks scared.

Then, almost as soon as it's begun,

the girl falls silent.

The girl blinks,

and all is normal again-

I am scared,

I am nervous,

my heart is racing,

I am standing in the place of that girl

who just gave a wonderful performance

and I am stuck with the aftermath.

Deep breath in,

deep breath out.

I keep searching the room,

wondering where the other girl went-

she's the one who deserves the applause and the praise, not me.

But all I see are faces smiling 

and all I hear is cheering and clapping

and I blush and hide my face,

knowing I don't deserve it.

Deep breath in,

deep breath out.

I rush to my seat,

my hands are shaking,

my heart's about to burst out of my chest,

and I still don't know where the other girl went.

I never know where she's gone to,

she always just leaves in the end.

Deep breath in, 

deep breath out.