Thoughts and Things

Here, take this

"Do your homework"

"Do your work"

"Read your book"

"Study hard"

"Ace the test"

All easier said than done, right?

Wrong! Now just take this pill and get motivated!

Do well in the classroom and you'll succeed in life!

Isn't that just something?

Part of me screams 

"Yes, yes, yes!" 

I mean, all I have to do

is take this pill

and then I can focus on my work again.

I can make good grades, 

I can make something of myself.

Better yet, I can get my mom to stop getting on my ass about school.

But then what?

It's supposed to help me,

and it does, I can feel it once I've taken it,

I can feel that rush of energy.

Then I hear that tiny voice whisper

"You're nothing without it."

"You can't survive in the world if you're not on that medication."

"How do you expect to make something of yourself if you can't focus on a simple paragraph,

or if you can't find any reason to write that paper?"

I've done it before. 

Hell, I did it for years.

But now it's so much harder,

and maybe if I were stronger,

I could still manage it.

And since it's so much harder,

isn't it easier to say I couldn't survive in a classroom without it?

Isn't it easier to think that I can only survive in this ridiculous system

by staying medicated?

What does it even matter?

How will a sheet of paper with an A on it

make me into something?

How will it make the time spent working for it worth it?

I don't know.