New York Please Go Easy On Me

The Found losses and respirited Fears

Warnings: Self Harm, it's just Depressing in general

"So is this where I come in then?" Wade asked brightly, blue eyes looking at Peter in anticipation.

"Close, but not yet,"

~                                                                                 ~
She'd killed Peter. Destroyed any self worth he'd had remaining. He was worthless even to the kindest of people, to those that loved him. So he left, he ran and didn't let himself look back.

Becoming a hero was all he had left. And he hated it. But he didn't hate it as much as he hated Peter Parker. He forced himself to carry on his life as anyone but himself. Spending time as Peter, weak Puny Parker left him-.... It left him empty. His mind didn't hesitate to fill that space with thoughts. Dark, sick thoughts. It was his own hands that started adding to it, letting his own blood seep through his pale fingers, past a small blade and into the white porcelain sink. He deserved it. He was weak, useless, stupid, and so many other things. But worst of all he was broken. He was just Peter. He'd never be that person everyone knew. What everyone imagined he was. Spider-Man was only that. He was only Spider-Man and had no other life. When he was gone Peter was left in his shadow.

"You deserve this, after everything you've done." He told himself. "Because no one will ever love, and impure, flightless, worthless person. You're no one and no one will ever miss you,"

But he always healed. Never let himself go as deep or far as he deserved. He liked to tell himself it was because he owed the people someone who could protect them, But in reality, he was just weak, and scared.

"Thank you!" Someone would shout after him as he swung away from a scene.

"You don't deserve that," Spider-Man would growl at him. Because he was right. He didn't.

"You're my hero!" A child would yell as they spotted him perched on a lookout point.

"You should find another one," Peter would whisper as he waved back.

'You should let yourself fall. No one will miss you,' He was right. So Peter listened. He closed his eyes and let himself fall to the ground quickly, accelerating in speed as gravity pulled at his body. He was ready, he wasn't going to chicken out. He was going to do it because he wasn't weak and he wouldn't let himself be scared. In five seconds everything would have been over, he could've escaped and left his pain behind him. But he wasn't given that choice. His instincts sensing the danger and his body over rode his mind and forced him to shoot a web and swing back up into the air.

The one who told him to fall was the one that saved him. He hated himself. He hated Spider-Man.

"You'd been trying before? Why-"

Peter cuts Wade off before he can ask much more, before he can say something Peter is already aware of. "Because I needed to Wade. You know why."

And the man did. He just couldn't fathom why someone as perfect as the arachnid would ever fall into the habits. He'd had experience with trying to help Peter cope, he knew what was going on... He just didn't know that it was an issue far before he'd had any significant meaning in Peter's life. He'd always thought he was there the first time.

"It's fine Wade," Peter firmly reassured, his voice giving a clear demand to drop the subject before it advanced any farther into grounds that are better kept out of.

"I didn't call her back when she's ask me to. I'd ignore her when she knocked on my door... pretending like I was out on patrol rather then laying silently on the couch waiting for her to leave. I don't know why she kept coming back. She broke me and rejected me and yet she was determined to see that I was alright. I couldn't stand it." Peter continued instead. He shook his head mournfully. "I pushed away my best friend because I thought that if she couldn't love me as a mate then she couldn't love me as anything. And that stupid, selfish choice Cost me my only friend. I didn't have anyone else. No one other then the five pack of razors in
the left drawer under the sink."