Torn (harry styles)

6- Eyes Say More

How can someone so stupid and insignificant have such a huge affect on me? He made me feel like a complete idiot and a worthless lump. I shouldn't let his actions get to me so much but I feel so intimidated by him.. I should never have gone to that party. The events of it just seem to dominate my mind most days.

I found myself crying myself to sleep again, just like every night since that night.

But I'm sure most girls will agree, at night is the worst for us. Its when every small thing that's ever hurt you even in just the slightest; comes back to haunt you. You start crying and more and more negative thoughts and emotions come and mock you. You feel stupid and alone and its horrible. I think its something most girls get.

The next morning I get up and get dressed.. I wear a pair of black leggings and a thin grey jumper with dark grey flecks in it. Yes I know, not the most imaginative outfit but I think its alright. I pair it with an old and battered pair of ugg boots I got for Christmas a couple of years back...

Then I sat in front of the mirror. My hair was an mess and my face looked like I had been slapped.
I attacked my hair with a hairbrush and managed to tame it successfully. I decided to keep it down again today as I quite like it down.

I put a little bit of powder over my reddish face, but I then remembered what Harry had said or even almost complimented about how I don't need makeup. I told myself that I didn't care what he thought however I still for some reason decided against wearing it.

I arrived at school and battled through my first few lessons. Break also flew past and then came lunch.
I was kept behind a few minutes by my maths teacher for 'lack of focus' but to be honest I'm just not feeling up to it today.

When I was released from it, I made my way into the jungle that is the lunch hall.
Once there my eyes were immediately drawn to Evie who was once again, sitting with those girls.
I debated with myself about sitting alone but I'd really rather not...
I wondered uneasily over to the table and took a seat next to Evie. Next moment I felt all judgemental eyes on me.

"Hey Skye" The girl called Jo smiled at me fakely.
"hi" I returned an equally fake smile.

The occasional bitchy stare or sneaky comment about me being there was tossed but I tuned out most of lunch. I didnt feel like eating either so

"you've got history now, with Harry don't you?" Jo said, how does she know?
"err yeah, how do you know?" I questioned. Its weird how she knows.
"Harry told me." she replied.
what? why? what the fuck...
"oh." I said in a surprisingly high pitched tone.
" yeah he was talking about how pissed off he was that he got moved next to you." Jo said, her fake bitchy little smile returned.
oh.
Everything harry says about me or to me hurts me a little more each time. I just don't see what I've done to make him hate me? if anyone should be being mean to anyone, it should be me...to him.
actually, I guess I am kinda mean to him- but he started it that night.

I took a deep breath and stepped into my history room. A thick air lingued inside and I already felt sick. To my suprise Harry was already there and waiting in his seat.. he was early. wow.

"hi" I rolled my eyes at him and took the seat next to him. He said nothing but smirked at me and looked me up and down which made me feel uneasy.

The class began and I zoned out..i'm so tired from all these late nights.

"so" Harry's low raspy voice snapped me out of my daydream. "the girls told me you had a thing for me."
He spoke in a quiet mumble and smirked at me.
wtf. no no no. why are they so bitchy? that was unnessasary and just plane annoying. I don't see how people like them get a kick from embarrassing people. but then I don't think I will ever understand for I am not one of them and never will be.

"No, who the fuck said that?!" I snapped back, still at low volume but slightly louder than him.

"the girls you sit with" he shrugged, gesturing his hand towards me. His eyes still deep in contact with mine but his dimpley smile had dropped.

"for one; I never said that, ever. I don't have a thing for you seems as I don't even like you as a friend." I snapped. I felt a ping of guilt when I said the last bit, but then again; its not like he doesn't deserve it. he's done worse.
His face crumpled a little and his eyes told me to continue.

"and secondly" I hesitated "those girls aren't my friends either! I only sit with them cause I sit with Evie. Why do you even notice who I sit with?" I defended. why does he?

"okay okay I'm not your biggest fan either, and I dunno I just noticed. what are you a fucking cop?" he lifted his hands up to me and I scoffed.
"don't you like them?" he asked. our eye contact still hasn't broken. its...weird.

"if I'm honest?" I started, he frowned and nodded at me slowly. "no not really. I think they're all quite two faced and shallow." I admitted. its true but I don't know why I'm telling harry all of this. he's not even my friend.
A small smile played on his lips and he shook his head at me. Still keeping that eyecontact.

I felt my face mould into a smile back at him..

what am I doing?

I don't want to fall for his trap, I know its a trap. He's unkind and I don't want to get involved with him. I don't understand how he's giving me butterflies right now.

I hate him and that's final. a smile and some flirty banter isn't going to change that.

I looked away from him and felt a bit.. dissapointed? sad? empty?

I can't quite place the lack of energy that came over me as soon as I broke our eye contact. I looked down at the table and fiddled with a strand of my hair.

"your not wearing makeup today." he smiled.
"no shit." I snapped. I feel bad, until I replay what he's done in my mind. I wish he'd stop teasing me. Or whatever he's doing is just confusing me.
"someone's hormonal" he scoffed. I knew he was looking for trouble. I rolled my eyes.

"fuck off" I turned away from him in my chair.

"k" he said into my ear.

I slowly turned my head to face him and our eyes met for a second. The feeling came back that made me feel more... alive.

Suddenly, out of nowhere.. he slammed his hand down on the desk and stood up. I stared in shock as he broke the eye contact, grabbed his bag and stormed out of the room. Slamming the door behind him.

The class looked round at me for some sort of answer. I just shrugged and they all turned back to sir who shook his head and continued talking.

My head rang with questions.

why did he storm out like that? why does he always notice those small things about me? what should I think of him? why does he make me feel the way he does when he looks at me?

my mind puzzled over the little things causing my head to ache.

arghhhh, Harry.