Torn (harry styles)

33- Tic Toc

I can't quite tell if I'm nervous or excited for this evening. Probably a mix of both. I'm anxious in case he doesn't show; I suppose it wouldn't be bad of him not to seems as that's what I did to him. But still, this was arranged differently and my and Harry are in a different place right now!

Dexter.

I feel guilty, I know that if dexter was meeting another girl, I would be very jealous. I should be grateful enough that he forgave me for kissing someone else let alone meeting them. This isn't right, I know it's not. But something about Harry makes me want to bend the rules of my relationship with Dexter. To make things that rant okay, okay.

Without Harry in my life, I'm just boring old Skye. He brings something to me that makes me feel more alive. It makes my character feel more meaningful and like I've actually got important things going on.

Yes, he makes me angry, upset, annoyed, insecure and all these horrible things... But above all, he makes me feel alive.

Meeting him can't be that bad of an idea can it? What will we even talk about? Will it be awkward?

Man, I really should of thought this through before I asked him; I guess I was just so drunk on his presence i completely lost myself.

What even is myself? Who even am I? Because, around Harry... I seem to be different? Maybe that's just me, but I do feel different at least. Where as dexter, I feel more safe, more like... Normal? Boring.

I will meet harry today, mindless of what will happen, or where things will go... I'm going.

I think long and hard about my evening ahead, wondering if maybe I made a mistake. It's too late to go back now though, I'm in it too deep.

Once at home I go and visit my mother.

"Hello mum." I smile, approaching her bedside chair and taking a seat next to her.

She slowly opens her eyes and turns to face me. When she registers my presence a smile instantly grows across her face.

"Oh hello sweetie." She smiles lovingly, caringly.

"How was your day?" I ask, although I already know.

"Same old, same old." She sighs and smiles weakly. "Nothing exciting happens when your just lying in a bed all day."

I feel sorry for her, I would hate to be in the state that she's in and I hope she recovers and gets to live again.

I laugh lightly, tucking a stray hair behind her ear.

"I'm going out in the evening." I tell her. "At seven."

She smiles.
"with who honey?"

I hesitate. "This boy."

I don't lie to my mum, never.

Her smile vanishes, "who?"

"He's called Harry."

I was just about to try and reassure my mum by telling her that he was really nice, and a good friend of mine... But then I remembered- I don't lie to my mum.

"Did you break up with dexter?" She asks me, a straight face on.

"No."

Silence.

"Oh, well.. Have fun, I guess."

She looks at me with an expression I don't think I've ever seen on her face before. Judgement? Disappointment?

How dare she? She knows nothing.

She thinks I'm doing something wrong by meeting harry whilst I'm still with dexter, I guess it does sound quite odd to the untrained, unknowing ear. However, it's not.

It's complicated with Harry, I don't even understand it fully myself; but I know enough to know that meeting him is different to meeting someone else that isn't dexter? There's much more to it.

My mum doesn't know the full story, she can't look at me as if I'm some kind of slut! She doesn't understand, even if I told her she wouldn't understand, no one would.

I get up and walk out of her room. I love her to pieces, literally. But I can't help but feel quite spiteful towards her after that short encounter.

*********

Once I had had a shower, got ready, relaxed, watched some TV... Suddenly it was 630pm.. I was leaving in 15 minutes.

The clock ticked, loudly I might add. I had never noticed the sound before; every tic seemed to get louder. Leading to one thing.

I was wearing my same old leggings, and an oversized grey hoodie with a pair of ugg boots.

Maybe I should have taken more of an effort on my appearance for Harry? Maybe. Too late now, I look fine.

My hair is down and I am not wearing makeup, but hey; he said he liked that once didn't he?

The time came to leave and I walked briskly down the pavement, what if he doesn't show up?

I push all these negative thoughts to the very back of my mind. As Harry said; I won't know until I'm there.

Easier said than done, the roads seem to be stretching longer and longer with every step.

Finally, after what feels like forever but was in fact 15 minutes, I reach the bench.

He isn't there.

I don't panic myself yet, it is only 6:02. He might be running late.

I take a seat at the bench, sitting and waiting. Waiting for the unreliable, player, rude boy who somehow has me completely wrapped around his finger.

I tap my foot against the pavement beneath my feet, the rhythm of my feet probably matching the beat of my clock at home. Each second, each second he is vacant, each tap of my foot making that ache in my chest grow.

I'm a stupid, naive girl.

I look around me, he is nowhere insight. I shouldn't have come here, this must have been his plan all along. To pay me back for what I did to him. But this is cruel, he knows this would hurt me.

6:18.

Still no show- he's not coming. I can count on that.

I run my finger along the graffiti on the bench, the carvings of teenagers who have previously marked this bench as their own. It's not there's, it's me and Harry's.

Kobey+Bella 4ever<3

Rachael was here

If u r reading this u r gay

Angela smells like shit lol

The random graffiti feels rough against my fingertips, I think I'll leave in a minute. I know he's not coming.

Then, something catches my eye. A carving in the bench that it different from the others.

It was him, I know it was. There is no way I can be sure it was; but I am pretty damn certain it was. There's a feeling in my gut, a sickening feeling. I know it was him.

I trace my fingertips along the etched writing, my eyes for some reason prickling with tears.

The words read:

I'm sorry, H x