Torn (harry styles)

49- Staying Away

When I wake up, I feel rotten. Like a glass of milk that's been left out for days, I feel like my blood is running thick and gooey. My eyes are cloudy and my breathing slightly fogged and strained by my tight lungs.

And then it hits me; everything that happened with harry comes tumbling down. Falling on to my spirit like a tun of rocks.

I sit up in bed and take some deep breaths, my breathing is threatening to go out of control and I can't stop it.

My heart rate is quickening and I am desperately gasping for some fresh air. Fresh, clean, innocent air.

Air that doesn't feel like it's tainted with Harry's harsh words. They seem to linger around me, I need escape.

Droplets fall down my face, dampening my cheeks. I swipe them away but they come again as quick as I am removing them so I don't bother wiping them away anymore.

Small round tears mark the duvet below my face and I screw my eyes shut to stop the tears coming.

Burying my face in my hands I make a rash decision.

Finally managing to pull myself together, I reach for my phone and form a text message.

*im so sorry about earlier, I didn't know what I was saying! I don't want to stay away from you is what I meant. I want to be with you as much as you will allow me to.*

I send, every now and then a small tear falling on to my phone screen as I stare at the small delivery notice below my text.

Delivered

Delivered

Delivered

...Read.

He's read my message, he opened it and read it!

There's no going back, I've said it now and I shouldn't have.

I hold my breath, as the small typing a message logo appears on his side of the chat. I sit and stare at it, my breath still pressuring my chest but I can't let it go. Not until he replies.

He's typing something long, what could it be? It's been about a minute and my face is probably purple right now.

I release the huge long concentrated breath and keep watching.

Suddenly, the logo disappears and no message was sent.

What the hell? He changed his mind, he chose not to reply to me! Huh?

I really want to know what it said. What he wanted to tell me but decided not to! Was it something mean? Something nice? Does he forgive me?

I'm tempted to send him a question mark but I don't want him to think I'm too keen. I'm going to have to see him today anyway. History.

You'd think, the amount of sleep I had yesterday and last night, I would be more than fully rested. I should be bouncing around the walls. But no, truth be told I'm exhausted. Fully drained.

Drained by the constant annoyance in my mind, replaying all the nasty things harry has said to me and all the times I've said the wrong thing to him.

It won't stop, it tortures me every minute I'm not with him.

I get out of bed and I still have an hour and a half until I have to leave for college so I decide to have a nice long refreshing shower.

The hot water pours down my body, cleansing me and washing Harry's lingering presence off me.

When I finish in the shower, I blow dry and straighten my hair, slip on a black pullover hoodie, and some Aztec print black and white leggings.

I also apply some mascara today, to hide the evidence of a tearful morning.