Torn (harry styles)

44- There Is No Moment

I slip into my bedroom, it's still only six but I think I need to sleep on things.

I put on some tracksuit bottoms and a T-shirt before sliding into bed. I lie there, possibly for hours; my eyes wide open.

No matter how much I try to close them and tell myself to go to sleep, I can't. As much as I need my non active subconscious to take me away from what's real and into a dream world... it won't. I'm stuck here, awake. Harry's voice ringing through my ears like a fire bell. It won't stop.

What if he's right? What if, if you really love something... you never stop?

Why can't I sleep? What has he done to me?

I gulp, the thought of Harry, some guy I used to hate and want none other than no contact at all with- to someone who is like a drug to me, I just want more and more and there's nothing I can do to quench my thirst for him, to feed my ever growing addiction to this curly haired bad boy, than to face him.

Maybe I'm being redicules? Maybe I'm absolutely barking mad, if I explained my feelings to anyone, i know they would call me crazy. Maybe even think i'm phyco to still like him after all the times he has hurt me.

Or; maybe they would understand and say 'Yeah bad-boys are my guilty pleasure too.' they wouldn't understand the gaping hole i feel inside me when i'm not around him.

But how did this all happen is what i want to know, how.. how after all that happened between us, have i ended up powerless and drained from the frustration in my head. The curiousness that feels like it's eating me away from the inside as i try and get my head around how or why i fell for him.

Well he certainly didn't win me over with his kindness or charm.

Actually, these last few days have proved me wrong about how kind he is, because in that hospital he seemed pretty damn kind.

But that doesn't quite make up for that night.

And everything else he has put me through.

What if I do just have a dangerous guy fetish, what if it is just a faze? I can't be sure, but something tells me it's not.

If it was, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be reaching into my pocket, taking out my phone and starting to text him, telling him that I would like to come with him whilst he gets his tattoo. But maybe have some more time to think about mine.

*Hi, it's Skye!:) What time are you getting your tattoo tomorrow? i would definitely like to come with you and watch if that's still ok? i think i'm gonna need more time to think about getting one for me. but maybe one day...;) x

I hold my breath and wait for a reply.

*yes. I would like for you to come. I will pick you up from your house at lunchtime tomorrow. and okay, take all the time you need to think. it is a big decision i guess .x*

Damn these butterflies, why are they always flying around inside me whenever harry is involved?

*Can't wait :) i'll see you then! and i think i will get one, soon. not yet.x*

i tell him, picturing him reading it.

*you like that butterfly, don't you ?x*

I don't even hesitate, I know the answer.

*Love it.x*

*you don't think it's girly?x*

*No! Not at all, yes it's a butterfly which are often associated with girls. but yours is just... it's different.*

*Different, is that a good thing?*

*yes, a very good thing. normal is boring;)*

*You're different.* He sends and my breathing hitches.

...

*really? is that an insult? i cant see if your frowning or smiling;)*

*Smiling. Normal is boring :)*

* :) different to what?*

I don't know if I'm looking forward to or dreading his response.

*Different from other girls.*

I want to ask in what way, but I don't want to annoy him. His answer was more than satifactory. It made my head spin.

*You're different too.*

I send with a smile, he is different. he is so different, to anyone I have ever met.

*Different from other girls? I should hope so, I'm not a girl.*

I laugh at his wittiness.

*You knew what i meant!!! don't ruin the moment haha*

I mentally kick myself for sending such a thoughtless reply.

*There is no moment.*

My thoughtless mistake has now been confirmed as stupid, i should have trodden more lightly with harry.

*sorry, i don't know why i said that.*

Tears of embarrassment prickle at my eyes but I blink them back with a sigh...

*Goodnight.* He sends.

*Night. See you tomorrow.*

* :) *

Even just his cute smiley emoji was enough to take away some of my embarrassment from before and bring that warm and fuzzy feeling back to me.