Torn (harry styles)

58- Pros And Cons

Me and El arranged to meet again another evening of this week without the boys, that's a good thing I guess.

I still can't believe El thought me and Niall were... well just anything really.

I've never thought of Niall as anything more than a friend and never will. I'm sure he feels the same!

The person I really want, really need is harry.

And I long for him to feel the same, and hope that one day he'll realise it and tell me.

When I get home it's 12:30am and I should be asleep. so that's what I do.

Actually, we all know what me 'going to sleep' is, it's lying awake in bed thinking about Harry and how messed up things got between us.

And how I wish things could just have been functional and normal, the way things usually work in most relationships.

Without all this distance crap and how he thinks he is going to hurt me, it's just going out it's not like he's the person I'm going to marry?

He wants me to think about things, come to think of it I haven't. Not in depth anyway.

The whole point in me staying away from him is for me to consider whether being with him is what I really want to do, I need to weigh up my options and report back to him when I'm certain of my decision.

So that's what I'll do.

The pros and cons of dating Harry.

Cons-

He can really hurt my feelings
I'm not certain he is reliable as he is used to sleeping around
He might not actually like me
He has a tendency to be unpredictable and short tempered
People will think I'm mad and laugh at me

Pros-

I love him so much it hurts to be away from him
Without him my whole body aches for his company
He's the only one that can take me away from my negative emotions and make me laugh even when i don't want to
I want to be with him
I love him
I love him
I love him

Okay, I've definitely made up my mind. And I want him to know that!

I want him to know now!

Am I crazy? I must be.

I know where he lives. I could go and tell him now?

Will he be awake? Will he be annoyed?

This is crazy, too crazy. I can't.

I must still be drunk, this is a stupid idea.

Then I must be an idiot because I'm walking down the road like wild fire.

In fact I'm running.

Running
Running
Running

10 minutes and my cheeks are red, my lungs over worked and my breathing out of control.

I don't care.

I want him to know, I love him.

I want to tell him now, now I know I can't hold it in.

I love Harry Styles.

I will love him unconditionally until he stops me, even then it will linger.

I can't believe I was so blinded to realise my love for him was reality.

The butterflies, the excessive blushing, the shyness, the warm fuzzy feeling I always feel around him, the addiction to his presence, the crave for his company.