Torn (harry styles)

8- "No"

my mind was spinning as I sat and stared at the group of people in front of me.
"I wasn't even fucking with her!" Harry's harsh words penetrated my ears.
The group laughed lightly as Harry stormed away. He looked back at me, probably to see my reaction. I didn't know how to react, I felt so shattered. Hurt, embarrassed. But I wasn't exactly shocked- I knew from the moment I saw the group coming towards us that Harry would through our nice hour in my face. It still hurt just as much.

The group all looked at me awkwardly and then at each other.
"so are you and harry like friends?" one of the girls asked me. All I could see was red. I cant believe after that hour me and harry just spent together he acted in that way.
"No" I said blankly. I don't want to be here with these people anymore.. so I got up and walked away from them. Not even daring to look back. I already know what their judgemental faces will be doing..

I felt some warm tears spilling down my cheeks as I approached my front door, I quickly wiped them away and let myself in. Today I really don't feel like talking to my mum. I know she is used to me coming in and checking on her but I just don't feel like seeing anyone.
I call out to say I'm home and I hear her weak voice greet me.

When I arrive in my room I through myself onto my bed and bury my head into the pillow, dampening it with my tears.
When I cry about Harry its usually cause I hate him so much and he hurt and embarrassed me. But today I guess I'm crying cause I've grown to like him and he's done the same thing.

'I wasn't even fucking with her'

His words replayed in my mind.
He was embarrassed of me, ashamed of the thought of people thinking we had been hanging out together.
I coughed out more tears.

To his defense, I can kind of see why he wouldn't want people to know he was with me. I know I'm not considered to be one of the 'main' girls the boys like.
But that doesn't make the empty feeling in my chest go away.

At least I've got the whole weekend to myself and I don't have to face him until Monday. Thankgod.

I don't feel like staying up tonight so I got my pajamas on and brushed my teeth before slipping into bed. I lay awake thinking and wondering why Harry can have such a strong pull on me. I decided not to let him anymore.
I stayed at home and watched movies with mum all weekend. It was nice. but it didn't help the dull ache in my chest.

I awoke the next morning early enough to have a shower, I blow dried my hair and pulled it up. Next I applied light makeup to conceal the fact harry had been wearing away at my sleep. I decided to wear a bit of mascara as well to brighten up my dull eyes.

I put on my same old leggings and jumper and looked into the mirror at my reflection. And for the first time in a while...I completely hated it.
I've never admired my choice of outfit but I've never despised my plain choices. I know they aren't the nicest and I don't look interesting but I've never had a strong opinion on my clothes.. especially as its only for school.

But looking in the mirror right now is making me feel ill. Of course none of those girls like me, of course Evie would be embarrassed to have me as a friend.... of course Harry wouldn't want to be seen with me.

I ripped my clothes off and chucked them onto the floor frantically. I still had time to change. I'm sure Evie left a short pencil skirt here a while ago... I dug deep into my drawers and...bingo. Pulled out a very right small black skirt. I pulled it over my legs. It only just came up to the top of my thigh, I guess its not something I would usually go for. I know my legs aren't overweight- people have even said I have nice legs. It's just I don't feel completely secure with them.
I shrugged it off and pulled out a tight red vest.
I had a rather large bust and the rest vest did compliment them. I blushed a little and pulled my hair out of the hair band and let is cascade down my back.