Torn (harry styles)

50- How's History?

Authors note: I listened to Kelly Clarkson Addicted on repeat while writing this, it really goes with this chapter and i got lots of Skye's thoughts from the song.

* I see. Your alright though? If you need to go to the hospital, call me.*

His text confuses me. He's telling me to stay away from him, but then checking I'm okay and telling me to call him and he'll drive me to the hospital?

I will never understand that guy, never.

*i'll be fine. thank you Harry:) how's history?*

Are we really having a conversation right now, over text. Wow.

*Shit.*

His reply makes me giggle and I don't even know why.

* I bet your enjoying it really;)*

I joke, hoping he's smiling as much as I am.

*its my favourite subject, obviously. Haha.*
he sends and I laugh again. It's not even that funny, I guess I'm partly laughing just about of the happiness and relief I feel when he contacts me in any form.

*Totally. Me too. Gonna need a new notebook soon mines so full.*

*Haha;) how's things with you? You having fun at home?*

*not really. Maybe I should have just stayed at college.*

* No. You being at home makes it easier for you to stay away from me, and to hate me. Doesn't it?*

I'm taken back, why is he saying this? It doesn't make sense.

*but we're texting? That's not really staying away? And besides, what if I don't want to?*

He needs to understand this. And at least on text he can't interrupt me.

*What if you don't know what you want? Or what's best for you?*

He's saying it's better for me not to talk to him? If only he knew how much I think about him when I'm not with him. And how much I long to be near him.

*I know what I want, Harry.*

*No, you can't. If you did, you wouldn't have started taking to me in the first place.*

Okay now I'm really confused. Why does things like this always have to happen? He always makes small comments or opinions that send my mind into a spiral of confusion, hurt and more confusion.

*you have no idea*

I send to him exactly what I'm thinking. He really doesn't have a clue, he didn't know what went through my head when we first started talking.

Does he not realise how much I tried to stay away? How much I internally battled myself over if I wanted to be his friend or not. If I even liked him at all.

Does he think that it was easy? That I just chose to let him take over my life? That I let myself become addicted to the thrill he gives me? That I allow him to suffocate me, and tell myself it feels good not to breath?

Does he think that I like having all my common sense cut off and my sense of judgement distorted until I'm blind to everything but him.

Does he think I like the fact that my morals have been demolished, that line between wrong and right is no longer in sight. The two worlds of good and bad are over lapping.

He's taken over me completely, everything revolves around him. My whole world spins on his axis he seems to think that I choose it to happen.

I didn't, but I'm okay with it.