Ameles potamos

Chapter 2: Memories

The days kept passing and they all looked the same to me. It seems that it will stay as it is for a while; however, visiting that room today felt lighter than ever, I think I'm finally getting more relaxed and feeling more secured towards Julianne, and I must add that the air made me feel contended and tranquil. The walk was shorter today and I finally made a decision concerning my stay at this place.

I decided to use my visit.

Yes I decided this just today because before, I had nothing to worry about but now I want… no I need to get out of this place and I will do it.

I entered and seated myself on the black chair I now call my second comfort zone. The doctor didn't arrive yet. So I decided to take a better look at the room.

I walked silently, touching the edges of the books that were positioned in her book case, running my hand on the portraits hung straight up on the walls.

That’s when I saw it, and my mind started hurtling and making huge assumptions, trying to analyze what I just saw.

When suddenly I felt her hands on my shoulder, wincing I ran to her desk and picked the golden locket up, held it in both my hands and tears started running down my face.

Earlier that day I sensed that something was near and if my hunch was impersonated in a human form I would give it a fist bump because that day something really did happen.

What happened exactly is that I started crying and out of nowhere I found the doctor comforting me with some soothing words and here I am now sitting on the black chair again. Julianne was staring at me in silence I really appreciated her for that, sometimes all you need is some space.

"He had one of those." I told her in a low voice. It was the first thing I uttered in four months or so. What made me stop the river of tears was the expression on her face which said that she wasn’t surprised at all by the fact that I started talking, in addition to her continuous staring; it was kind of awkward but yeah. I mean doesn’t she want to ask me anything or even know who is that 'he' I'm talking about?

So I kept going "that same golden watch but with his initials carved on it D.D."

She nodded.

"Can I take it with me? I m-mean if it doesn’t b-bother you…" another thing about me when I'm nervous I stutter. A lot.

This afternoon I walked alone in the hospital's garden, it was almost dark but not quite yet.

I held the watch in my hand and walked. My mind was empty. Empty of all thoughts but the only thing that was available in it was the memories…

Those memories that I dread to remember, the memories with their scent and sentiments. Each and every one of them holds a dear place in my heart. To be more accurate they are my heart, my soul they are what make me who I am now, they are what I fear and love to remember. We are always stuck in the past; we don’t realize that in this moment we are making memories because unfortunately we keep living in the old ones, feeding on them. And once the moments we are currently living in are over, we then realize how good it was and it turns into another memory.

Memories are another lie we can't stop living.