Ameles potamos

Chapter 34: At dawn we weep

Or so I think, I didn't faint, or I did faint. I can't tell, but I can tell that the place I'm in was completely different from where I was.

I was scared to get up; I was scared to look around me, because I didn't want to see her.

 I didn't know how I felt, but I finally managed to hang on and hoisted my body.

I was in Lana's house, I tried pushing away any pain I felt in my head and concentrated on getting out of here, I looked around and saw no one.

I walked slowly towards the door when I suddenly heard someone coming, probably talking on the phone.

"No--- You don't understand, don't tell me what to do." the person talking seemed to be crying, and I knew the sound very well not to remember it.

That was the Lana I knew, the fragile voice and the fear in her throat always caught me.

I walked towards the room where I heard her crying, she was laying on the bed with her legs crossed.

She let out a small sigh,

"Lana, are you okay?" I asked in a low voice

But she didn't seem to hear me, so I asked again, louder this time.

Nothing, it's like she couldn't hear me, so I walked slowly and sat down beside her, she didn't even look at me.

I started yelling her name as her tears ran down her cheek.

She stood up and so I got in her way, but she just walked right through me, literally, towards her bathroom.

That was when I figured that she can't see or hear me.

I followed her to the bathroom, and watched her as she sank her head under the pouring water, just like I did before.

 She stared at her reflection with emptiness in her eyes; I could see the pain dripping from her body.

She seemed cursed as she sobbed and collapsed to the floor and started screaming, her knuckles were white and her face was boiling with blood.

I could feel my tears down my cheeks and tried to prevent them by telling myself that this wasn't real and that this is just my imagination, but who was I kidding, she always told me about the time when she would cry and end up crumbled over her bed.

It seems weird enough for me that I could remember what she said.

I could feel her eyes bleeding from how much she cried, I moved towards her as I wiped my tears away, why was she crying so hard? What happened, was it my fault?

I leaned down and hugged her, but she felt nothing, I could almost feel the blood bumping in my veins from how tight I held her.

I wanted her to stop crying, I wanted to stop her agony, why wasn't I there when she cried—why did she feel lonely.

I should have been there. The moment she stood up, her phone rang.

I looked at the screen and it was me who was calling. She washed her face then called me back, her voice weaker than ever, I would probably know that something is wrong with her and that she needed me.

"You're what?" she said while sniffing.

I couldn't hear what I said on the phone but I can see that I didn't care about her, and I could hear myself laughing over something.

"Yeah sure, I'll be right there." she said and hung up.

She lied, she wasn't going anywhere.

She went back to her bed and tried to sleep but sleeping seemed so far away from her.

She got up panting, and moved fast towards her closet, she placed her hand in it and then she revealed some kind of pills. The bottle popped and she took two pills.

Pain killers, I wondered.

I don't understand what is it exactly that she felt, she's lonely is all I could sense.

The fact that I was a bitch was over powering my mind, it seems that I was in fact a big bitch and cared about no other but myself.

 

I started screaming as the thought empowered my body, I could suddenly feel everything she's feeling.

All the emptiness, the sorrow, the burning thoughts in her mind, the carnage inside her skull, it felt like a bottomless, endless pit of hell inside of her.

Why was she living in such misery?

I don't know what is happening but suddenly everything turned black and white lights kept flashing my vision and blinding it.