Ameles potamos

Chapter 26: Ameles Potamos

Nickolas looked as if he were on drugs; he stared clumsily into nowhere to be specific and kept saying non-sense,

"Nick, are you on drugs?" I asked as I swallowed a bite of the apple,

He nodded in a weird way, his head kept going all the way back and all the way to the front, he kept doing so for about ten times,

"Okay, stop it. I got it"

"Nick, I need to talk to you. It's very important" he started nodding again

"God please stop it" I laughed

"I told my doctor" his words were as bad as his nod, most of them made no sense, but I eventually managed to understand what he was about to say,

"So you told your doctor about your hallucinations?"

He nodded again, I was trying to overlook the nodding and concentrated on my words, "And he gave you drugs?"

"For.." he pointed out three fingers then added, "Days."

"For three days?"

Again with the nodding, that must have been tiring for his neck, except that he felt nothing.

"Okay then I'll see you after three days" I smiled a cheapish smile then walked away, I couldn't take no more from his constant nodding.

As I walked down the halls I couldn't help but remember what he had told me earlier,

"Ameles Potamos." he had said days before I saw him in this state,

"Huh?"

He was on the edge of his depression, the gleam in his eyes was replaced with something only I knew, especially when I look at my reflection in the mirror.

"The river of unconsciousness" he closed his eyes, "Also known as the Lethe"

I kept my silence, by now I knew this state he was going through; he'd continue to blubber about whatever it is and I would listen.

As I stared into this emptiness and hollow I was forced to see in his eyes, I knew somewhere deep inside of him there was a war. Unfair one it must have been.

"They said that when you drink from Ameles Potamos, you forget everything. You even forget the reason you were created, all your pain fades away. It's like drugs and alcohol." he said, face tired and features pale.

"You would drink from it wouldn't you?" I asked

He smiled, "Are you doubting that I wouldn't"

That was when I advised him that maybe he should tell his doctor about his case, he was furious and yelled at me, so I just left since I was in no position to argue.

He was correct how would I doubt not drinking from Ameles Potamos, I guess my memories aren't that precious, they're painful.

If I had known that the psychiatrist would give him drugs, I wouldn't have told him to do so.

Not that he's a drug addict or anything, but it just makes him less of a genius and somehow manages to make him less attractive, in addition that I couldn't deal with his head thing; it was as if he's head banging but in a more clumsy way.

Another thing, I had to stop seeing him for three days because of such incident, somewhere in the mere corners of my heart, my mind and my soul; I couldn't convince myself that three days weren't that long and that afterwards everything will be just fine and I'll get to see him whenever I wanted to.

My attempts with Julianne had failed to get me anywhere, this war can't be won.

My head was dizzy with all the thoughts, but right now all I craved for was Nickolas.

"Julianne, Nickolas will get better right?"

"I have no idea, I'm not his psychiatrist."

I nodded, "B-But you can somehow ask your husband right?"

"Those things are confidential Nia."

"What if he won't get better?" I bet she thought I was pathetic,

"He talks about you a lot," she changed the subject,

My hunch kept telling me to tell her about my extreme emotions concerning Nick,

"He's been visiting my dreams lately," I blurted out of nowhere,

"He can't visit my dreams Julianne, my dreams are not good… they're not," my eyes s were glossy, "I can't let him visit my nightmares… he just…" I managed to take a deep breath and shut my tears up inside of me, "I can't lose him and you're not helping, I need him in my life… and he's relapsing and he's on drugs, I can't manage to lose him, I'll break… I swear to god Julianne if you let me lose him; I'll be another fail for you" the last part was mostly a threat.

"Nia, you won't lose him or yourself" she moved closer and rubbed my back gently.

"I don't know anything anymore, I can't speak of what I don't know" my mind was being delirious, I couldn't pin my thought, I couldn't align my words together, "I can't fool you, you know that. I just don't realize the pain, I don't want to… it's too strong and I'm too weak"

She shushed me several times but I couldn't stop talking, "Help me, he helps me you know! I need his help… but he's too damaged and sick and I love that" I couldn't handle the fire burning in my chest and eyes anymore, "I just need him and you can't help me, I can't help myself…" My eyes started dwelling with tears and I put both my hands on my cheeks, feeling every tear burn my skin and slaughter my eyes.

My attempts of collecting my broken pieces were an epic fail.

She gave me some pills and I took them, for the first time I felt sick, I felt delicate and spineless, so I took the pills and slept.

. . . .

It felt like I have been sleeping for the past three days and fortunately they passed by quickly and easily, it was even better because most of the time I was under the effect of the pills.

Beams of the sunlight were hurting my eyes as I waited after lunch for Nickolas in the maze, this place had grown so quiet and I have became very comfortable coming here,

"You should move to the shade" he said

His face looked worn out and pale, I swear that his eye color was fading; they made that astonishing florescence against his fatigued features.

He seated himself beside me and he felt tranquilly numb, I could feel his body resting and every limb soften with each breath he took.

"How are your meds doing?" I asked abruptly

"As you can see, I'm better… no hallucinations" he didn't look better, he looked paler.

My heart aches whenever this thought crosses my mind.

There was something I had in mind since the day we had our checkups and I had to see if it's real, or just another one of my assumptions and misleading vision.

As I looked at his face, I noticed something I have never noticed before.

His red thin lips stretched into a smile, "What are you looking at?"

I managed to move my eyes from his lips, now that he's paler; his lips seemed more alive and beating with color.

Time to change that subject...

"I-I wanted to talk to you."

He nodded, but instead of talking I put my hand on his chest and moved to the hem of his shirt, he didn't really object on what I was doing but I could feel him distress, I placed my hand on the skin beneath his shirt and slid higher to his chest again, only this time it was on his skin, his warm skin.

"It is true then… I wasn't imagining." I whispered, mostly to myself.

 I could feel him become comfortable again until I started moving my fingertips over his cicatrix.

"Can I see them?" I asked

He nodded and pulled his shirt a little higher to reveal his injuries of the past, thin, pale lines wrapping his chest, his wounds. His scars.