Ameles potamos

Chapter 31: black and blue

"Tell me, any other realizations?" Julianne asked

"No, just that… now I remember how Nickolas was telling me about his sickness, and I remember how I used to glance over his bare chest whenever there were checkups." I swallowed.

"I didn't think before now that I saw him partially naked before," I continued

"Well Niala that's a huge improvement in your case."

I smiled, "So you knew from the beginning that I was making all this up?"

She nodded, "You can tell by a look Nia, that you are diagnosed with Dissociative disorder."

"What's that?" I asked

"It's the suffering of some changes in the memory due to certain stress, it might become very irrational, that is if your parents hadn't noticed it at its early stages."

I smiled again, "But what would cause that stress?"

She smiled back and looked away, "You need to figure that out yourself, Nia I can't tell you facts that you, yourself don’t remember. Do you happen to know why?"

"I don't know, maybe because I won't believe them?"

She nodded, "Exactly, you're not as bad as you think by the way."

"I'm sorry but I need to know how did my parents figure that out?"

"Figure what out?"

"You know, that I'm sick and I make up some stuff in my mind?" as she was about to answer my question, I couldn't help but notice the golden watch shimmering on her desk, so I interrupted her,

"Did you take it back?" I looked at her questioningly.

"No you left it the last time you were here,"

"I did? I don't remember doing so…"

"Well its right there you can take it back." she smiled.

I looked at her skeptically, I had the urge to throw up after all what had happened, god only knows how tired I was.

Realizing the truth wasn't much of relief for me, something wasn't right.

Something was missing, and different.

 I slept that day with the golden watch in my sweaty palms, I breathed in relief as I tried to remember how exactly I got here…

. . . . . .

This place of grief and agony I found the truth, about myself, my knuckles were red and bleeding, I didn't know what I had done until it was over.

Pieces of the mirror lay broken in front of my eyes, my reflection broken in each of them.

I could see the darkness forming a halo around each of my reflection…

I'm powerless and helpless; I've died a thousand times. Emptiness and fear filled me and somehow I wished that death was nearby so it would take me.

Everything happening right now is my own doing; I looked at my hands and found the golden watch covered with my blood I breathed loudly and heavily.

The nurses came by to check on the patients, I saw them coming towards my room so I tried to take hold over my nerves.

The nurse saw my bleeding hand; she stared at my face with anger on her expression then ordered some people to take me away to doctor Julianne…

As doctor Julianne examined me carefully, she was debating with the other doctors what to do to me.

Eventually she decided, but of course she had to give me a lecture before going.

"I thought for once that you were a good a girl and that you'd behave," she looked at me with so sparks of anger in her eyes, "You think it's funny to be punished around here?" she smiled sheepishly, "I thought you would behave and that you wouldn't see the other half of this hospital. You think that all patients are saints? They're not Nia, and it seems that you joined the crew… you deserve a punishment." she shook her head,

"I'm sorry, I was angry." I said

"You shut up and don't speak, you're officially on my list Niala." she sat down and crossed her legs.

"They'll take you to solitary, then we'll see how you'll behave next time. Your actions have no obvious intentions or explanation except self harm… so from now on you are deprived of any luxury, like maybe your little shattered mirror and many other things. I will not allow you to commit suicide, now that we're improving I mean. As for now, your punishment is solitary and I hope you learn that next time, you won't be 'angry'." she said as she walked out of the room and two strong men entered right after she was gone.

I didn't know what did they do in solitary, they said it's dark and it's not a good place to face your inner demons, I shouldn't go there, I shouldn't be alone with myself.

Everything I have will attack me, if I'm alone, in the dark.

I struggled as the two men tried to pull me to another section of the hospital, I've never been in those rooms, and they were all enclosed inside a huge room that had a big blue door.

"Don't please… please don't, I'm not insane."

I shook my entire body but with no effect on their huge bodies.

"I'm sorry I broke that mirror." I cried

After passing the huge blue door, the long corridor had rooms surrounding it from both sides, and the doors were black and rusty.

They were in fact a part of the hospital I have never intended to see, Julianne was right.

I can hear people scream loud, everyone yelling and banging on the doors.

I couldn't bare their sounds, so I yelled louder and screamed harder. My tears refusing to stop, I felt like my arms were burning from their tight grip.

I suddenly had the urge to run, but I failed, I screamed and screamed until we reached a room that was at the end of the huge corridor.

They opened the little rusty door and threw me inside then they locked me in.

"My nightmares won't leave me." I screamed after them as they closed the door.