Ameles potamos

Chapter 28: A love like war

"Why is it that no one ever visits you Nia?" Julianne asked.

"I have no idea, it's actually troubling me since… I don't recall when, it's been troubling me for a long time." I smiled pathetically

 "Why didn't you tell me? I'm your psychiatrist honey, you should tell me everything" she smiled back,

"I was just wondering why is it that Dylan never visited you, or your mom or your dad… or Lana?" she said their names carefully as if this would make me cry somehow,

"You know how people scream too loud at night here in the hospital?" I asked her,

"I don't know, I don't sleep here in the institute" she twisted her lips at my attempt to change the subject, which in fact worked.

"Well, I bet you know them, those terrible screams all over the walls, the smell of puke and disease spreading all over our skins" I said pulling on my fingers, "You know why do you know them?" I didn't expect an answer so I replied quickly, "Because they are present all the time, I just notice them only at night,

"I notice everything only at night… all the…" my words were lost when a sudden knock on the door interrupted it,

It was some kind of a nurse with a fat physique and an orange hair that was bleached in an utterly horrible way, what the hell was she thinking when she did so.

The nurse asked Julianne to come quickly because there was some kind of an emergency that needed her mending or whatever, she sent me back to my room, but instead I went to Nick's room seeking refuge from the screams that I'm starting to notice day and night.

When I got to his room I found him on his way to the maze but instead we headed to the roof where the sun was slightly glowing, it was about time for the sun to do so, it's been raining for days but my thoughts are that this won't last long since I could feel the cold air pressing on my skin like the humidity of summer, and the clouds were filling the sky with distinct shapes and colors.

"God only knows how much I want to take off my shoes and run on this roof for once in my life," he said as he walked to the edges of the roof where you could somehow see the surroundings of the hospital, it was nothing impressive, but for a person stuck in a mental hospital, it was the best you could wish for.

"Then do it, take off your shoes and just simply run." I said as I scanned the area around the hospital, a few trees scattered here and there, it was mostly deserted.

"You want me dead, don't you?" he smiled, "I might have frostbite, aren't you cold?"

"Yeah, you're right," I said in a low voice "I want you dead." I breathed.

"Well at least now you have something to look forward to," I added smiling.

He looked at me questioningly, "I mean summer or spring,"

"In order to take off your shoes and run," I continued

"I guess so, it's good to hope for something, right?" he said willing his voice to sound more excited,

I mean we both know we have nothing to aim for, we are two people stuck in a mental hospital and we had no right to dream, or even think of anything else other than getting out of this place, which will not happen since we're not getting any better, at least I'm not.

I couldn't even let my mind go there where he's finally healthy and I'm still sick when he gets to get out of this place full of torment.

Meanwhile, I'm once again alone and even worse; without him, especially him.

"I think…" I said hesitantly, "I'm not, I mean I'm N-not…" I took a deep breath, "I'm not very sure…" I placed my hand on my lips before any words slipped out of them, I couldn't do that, I couldn't say that.

He put his finger tips on my hands and moved my hands slightly off my mouth, "this infernal abyss we live in is enough torture for me, if you have something good to say just say it" he said coldly,

"You've become so stiff with me," I said as I snatched my hands from his,

"It's probably the meds, I don't know." he looked guilty,

"It's not that I'm doing it intentionally… it's just I feel…" he closed his eyes as he spoke, "I feel so empty, I'm nothing."

"B-but you're not"

He interrupted me as I spoke, "Don't," he opened his eyes,

"Just don't, I don't even feel real, it feels like I'm, I can't find the perfect word to explain it…" his eyes got lost as he searched for the right word, and finally he did,

"I feel dead"

I decided to say what I should have said two minutes ago,

"I think I love you" I said it quickly and everything afterwards was a sudden blur, he came forward and almost kissed me but instead he placed my hands on his chest, it was rising and falling a little too quickly.

He pressed his forehead against mine and bit his lips as my breath caught, he was too close, and the distance between us was piercing and numbing my every limb.

"Now this, my lady, is the part when we're supposed to kiss" he said recalling what I had said before, his eyes gentle and their edges were curved into a smile.

He pressed his lips against mine, I didn't care that somehow they were dry and rough, probably because mine were as dry as his.

His lips were icy cold and the more we kissed the more it got warmer, I could feel every inch of strength I have stuck in my throat.

He pulled me closer to his body and slid his hands across my arms; he broke off the kiss,

"Close your eyes Nala,"

I could see a whole new world, that world we built together, it was paradise.

His eyes were shimmering gold and silver ashes, my eyes were full of infatuation.

Our souls were chained, my hands were linked to his, I looked around us and smiled,

"I love the cold, did you know that?"

 He shook his head.

Mountains and hills of frosting ice glittered in my eyes, the fresh smell of snow and ice filled my lungs, and his scent…

"I'm weird, and stupid." I smiled as I moved closer to his neck to get a better shot of smelling his scent, it wasn't necessarily some kind of a perfume, no it was more ethereal and real at the same time, it was the smell of sweat and sweet odors of the universe.

"Of course you know everything is better when it's under the night sky…"

"Oh you mean with your stars," I teased

"Not just 'my' stars, more like the whole cosmic world." he smiled and returned his face back to mine

"As sweet as the death of a newly born child." he whispered

I parted my lips to fit his lips properly and kissed him, passionately and violently, as to feel his entire spirit embrace mine, I was ridiculously flying, like a faerie, like a fish that was finally back in the water.

This everlasting fire and determination to keep and cherish this moment had partially faded because we finally had to open our eyes, and as we did, we were back on the roof of this ragged old hospital.

He cupped my face between his hands, "I'm in fear of losing my mind, I'm in fear of losing myself with all the rage inside of me, and most of all I'm in fear of our carnage… that we might surrender because we've found peace together."

I shook my head, "No-No I wouldn't let that make me worse… I would make it a motive for me to get better," I said abruptly as I smiled, but my smile came to a halt as he uttered his next words.

"Well, I would… because I certainly don't need anything, but this,"

He paused, "I don't want to get better, I want to stay here with you… until you hate me"