Ameles potamos

Chapter 40: A shadow of your own self (the end)

The next day at lunch we didn't talk much but afterwards we climbed to the roof and started chanting songs that we both knew and jumping all over the place then I stopped singing and sat on the bench, clutched my legs to my chest and started sobbing.

He sat beside me and patted my hair, "I know what you're thinking. That this is the best we could hope for, right?" he said.

I nodded in approval and sat properly on the bench.

"Well let me tell you something, you think we're stuck here and we're treated like animals, you think the world out there is any different from what's inside the hospital? I'm telling you, at least we realize it, we may be sick and everyone knows it, however they're sick and none of them admits it. It's a mad world out there, everyone's troubled and everyone's a maniac.

"Out there, they're all going to their work, going to college, studying for their exams, raising their kids; all of them are stuck just like us, they're all prisoners for life…

"They act like they're free, but they're just as bad as we are in here in this mental hospital. At least we know we're stuck… actually we're free. They're not. They're going daily, with the same exact routine, copying what their ancestors used to do and just living, well they know better… because every day at night before each single one of them goes to sleep, they think of how miserable they are and how they want to get somewhere but they can't and probably never will get there anyway because they'll get distracted by something else in the middle of the road. Well I say we're free Nala, we're the rulers." He sighed.

Then continued, "I know you want to get out of here, and that's something to look forward to, me and you out of here. Starting a life like the rest of them, but what's the point to be sad now, when out there is just the same as here. You're stuck in your own body, limited with your own thoughts and your own dreams and that's it for us. Everything else is nothing."

"We're free?" I asked while wiping the tears from my stained cheek.

"Of course we are, can't you see? We have each other. We'll get out of here eventually… and my sister will help me get work and your family will be there for you as well, and you have me of course." He said cheerfully.

"Wow, this medicine really has an effect on your mood." I exclaimed.

He laughed and tugged me between his arms,

"And it will have its affect on you too, since you're… you know my girlfriend." He said with a smug on his face.

I hit his arm, "You're such a smug."

"You never told me about your family… or anything from your past actually." I smiled.

"You want to know?"

I nodded sincerely.

"Okay, well I have an awesome sister who loves me so much but unfortunately I'm mental so… I don't really deserve that love."

He kept talking about his family and his old life and I simply listened, I asked him how did he get that mental disease of his and he told me that he had it since he was a young child but when his father died it showed up on his actions and had to stop somewhere. We kept talking and talking until it was finally night time and the stars blossomed above our heads, Nickolas looked at them the way I wished he'd look at me some day.

"Tell me about you and your stars?" I asked.

"I'll tell you about one of them, my favorite star… her name is Capella she's located in a constellation called Auriga, she shines brilliantly, it is said Auriga represents the Greek inventor of the four horse chariot, who used his chariot to win many battles, and who did so eventually became King of Athens. He was placed in the sky to honor his great deeds, and his devotion to the goddess. Anyway, Capella is the biggest and strongest star in this constellation, all the stars surrounding her are called the kids… I just love her because she represents strength and the ability to move forward and get over and crush the enemies, in my case the enemy is my own self, so I just wish I'd be that strong and conquer that asshole."

"God, you and your stars… a story I will never fully understand."

While leaving I asked him what's his least favorite star and he said that it has been around for millions of years, but it's no more than a month old. And most definitely I understood nothing.

"I know you love me." I teased him while going downstairs,

He stopped for moment then smiled, "What makes you 'know' that I love you?"

"Well beside from the fact that I'm awesome and that it's all over your face, I know because you are." I teased.

He smiled and kissed me, his eyes were twinkling. Looking at his eyes was the same as looking at the stars.

"I love you too by the way." I said as I walked back to my room leaving him standing alone.

. . . . . . .

At the end of the day I slept with only one thought in my mind, "I'm free even though I'm locked. I'm nothing and no one, but to me I'm everything." I washed my face and looked in the mirror.

"You're nothing and you're everything but you're everything and you're nothing."  I said out loud.

                                                                                    The End.