Ameles potamos

Chapter 30: Wild world

I started running quickly, I didn't know where to go but I kept running. I mean the hospital was big and wide full of rooms to hide in, and people won't even recognize me…

I started running towards the roof, I needed secrecy, and I needed a place where no one can hear me or see me…

Emptiness.

Emptiness is all I felt,

"Just hold on, please hold on," I cried as I opened the door to the roof I ran to the widest space in the roof and collapsed on my knees, I felt like I'm bleeding, I felt like someone had just inserted a hook down my stomach.

I couldn't breathe, I just cried and screamed.

I sobbed and growled, I can't believe it, I can't believe anything anymore, I can't handle anything, it felt like the universe was screaming too, it was screaming like a woman giving birth to her unwanted child.

The sky was gray and horrifying. I stopped sobbing and covered my face…

Something is definitely wrong and I couldn't help but cry over it.

The other day one weeks ago, I was sitting with Nickolas near his room on a bench, it was located somewhere near the front office and surrounded by plant pots from one side.

It was just a few days before we kissed; we were waiting for breakfast time.

"Nickolas, I wanted to apologize for what I did," I smiled apologetically; "I mean if I were you I would have slapped me… for violating my… space?"

"Will you seriously shut the fuck up." he said bored, his eyes still sleepy

"Sorry, sorry, I've been feeling a little guilty for invading your privacy and forcing you to show… more like let me touch your scars,"

"Stop with the long nouns, 'invading my privacy' and 'violating my distance' something like that." he rubbed his eyes and yawned.

"Those are verbs by the way… anyway I just wanted to apologize." I smiled like an idiot.

"Don't, actually I want to show you something else…" he made sure no one was looking and then he took off his shoes and showed me at the back of his ankle some other cuts, those cuts resembled the ones that Dylan had had…

The same V shape and the same parallel lines.

"Why did you do it… I'm sorry but you mutilated your skin and… it's not…" I couldn't tell him why or what, I just didn't understand so I couldn't judge.

I was never put in such a situation, so I try and avoid giving advices over things that I don't know, I know it seems a bit selfish but I just don't want to say things that won't be helpful and could even make the person hate me,

"You never told me why were you submitted?" I had asked

"I did, it was actually the first thing you had asked me when you first sat beside me during breakfast." he smiled vaguely as his eyes were starting to look awake…

I sniffed and wiped my tears with me sleeves, I got up and started running towards Nickolas's room but he wasn't there, I ran to my room I had to sit for a moment, I was too dizzy and confused, I couldn't stop crying I felt like holding the tears would burn my eyes, and the tears were burning my cheeks as they fell slowly in desperate lines.

I looked in the mirror and stared at my reflection, my eyes were red and my eye pupils were expanding, I looked like some kind of a demon, I placed my fingers on my eyes then placed it on the reflection of my eyes but all I could feel was the cold glass, I wanted my reflection to take my hands and save me.