G-Dragon One Shots (NC-17)

No More Lies

GTOP

"I think we should break up," I said over the phone. I know breaking up with a my girlfriend over the phone was a coward move but I just couldn't bring myself to do it face to face. I always struggle with what to do when girls start crying infront of me.

"But why Jiyongie, what did I do?" It broke my heart to hear her so sad and weeping over the phone. But regardless I couldnt keep lying to myself. Ive been doing it for years now and it was time to face facts. I wasnt attracted to women.

What I mistook for crushes was really just my mind trying to force me to believe I was attracted. I couldn't even get aroused when we would be alone and trying to make love.

We had been on and off for several years now and it was time for me to let her go so she could find someone to make her happy.

"Jiyongie? Are you still there?" I heard her say with a shaky voice.

"Yes, and you didnt do anything. I just dont feel the way you do," I said clumsily. I couldnt tell her I was a pervert that had gay fantasies about my own bandmate, Choi Seunghyun.

"Yeah sure, thats what all men say. Its not you its me bullshit," she snapped at me. Good she was angry that would make it alot easier.

She hung up on me and I sighed heavily standing up from the couch in the lobby of the YG office.

"Im guessing your phone call didnt go so well, judging by your face," a familiar deep voice I knew all to well said from the hall.

I glanced up at TOP and shook my head.

"Does breaking up with a girl ever go well?" I said grumpily

"I guess not, why did you break up though, you guys seemed happy," he asked leaning against the wall.

"I just didnt feel that way about her any more. I thought if I gave it some time I would but its not fair to her to keep dragging her around. She deserves to find someone better," i said avoiding his gaze.

He hugged me suddenly and I had to fight my body to not respond to his touch. I pulled away scratching my blonde head and laughed nervously. I rarely did fanservice with TOP because when I did I would always end up with an aching hard on and have to flee to the bathroom to take care of the problem. I was able to do fanservice with Seungri because I didnt lust after him.

"What's with you Ji, you're awfully jumpy," TOP's voice shook me out of my thoughts.

"Nothing I guess im just anxious about tomorrow's concert," I said quietly and I forced myself to meet his eyes.

The look he gave me told me he didnt really believe me but he didnt push the issue.

We returned to the practice room where the rest of the group was and continued rehersal.

When we finally got home I shut myself in my room and ignored anyone that came an knocked. They must have decided I had gone to sleep because they stopped coming to the door.

The next day we headed to the arena and I was more distracted today then I was yesterday. I had dreamed about TOP all night long. I would wake shaking with a raging erection but I was to disgusted with myself to do anything about it. After alot of effort I finally was able to go back to sleep.

I still felt like I had no energy and I was dragging my feet. It certainly didnt help that TOP kept watching me all through out rehersal.

I lost count over how many times I tripped over my feet or stumbled during a turn. I knew this choreography and everyone around me was struggling to figure out why I was doing so poorly all of a sudden.