The boy who broke me

4.

The rusted chains creak as I squirm my way into the seat, the ride hasn't been used in over five years and it still works.

Loki stands at the edge and watches me with a curious look on his face.

"What ?" I ask.
"I didn't say anything. But if i did it would be that you Rylin are quite the adventurous type."

"Adventure is just another word for escape where I come from." I shrug off his compliment, not wanting it to be awkward.

"I guess so. We should head home. It's getting dark."
"Okay, sure. But won't you at least go on one ride with me before we go ? This seat needs two people for it to work." I point out.

He nods reluctantly, trying to hide the fear on his face.
As the ride groans into action, his knuckles grow white as he clings onto the bar.

He faces straight ahead, concentrating on the dams water and how the sun plays off the water, the ride jolts and starts rotating us faster and higher into the air, my stomach turns and the wind blows my hair into my face.

From our height you can see the sun setting behind the mountains, turning the sky into a mixture of gold, pink and orange.

"It's gorgeous isn't it ?" I ask, pointing at the sky.
"Sure." He croaks.
He looks sick, like he might puke any second now.
"What's wrong?"
"Heights." He replies simply and shakes his head.

I realize that he's only putting himself through this for me, so I let go of the bar and pull his hand into mine. He looks up at me, both of us are surprised that i had the courage to do that.

The wind blows his hair into his eyes as well, but he refuses to let go of the rail to fix it. So I gently wipe the hair out of his face and smile at him.

He smirks at me, his eyes playing with my mind.
"Don't get any ideas, it was in your eyes. That's all." I say.
"Sure." He laughs
•••

"I'm starving!" Loki groans as we head towards the car.
Still holding my hand. It's a small gesture, one that shouldn't mean much or make me feel the way I do.

I worry about whether I'm holding in too tightly or not tight enough.
He's looking at me, waiting for me to answer and I realize that I must have zoned out.

"I didn't think of food, sorry. Let's get something on the way home ?" I ask apologetically.

"That is the best idea you've had all day." He laughs.
"Loki ?" I ask nervously.
"What's up ?"
"We're holding hands." I state. Wanting to see if I'm over reacting or not and because the whole gesture confuses me.

"It would seem so, yes." He replies nonchalantly.
"Why ?" I ask
"Because we're friends, that's why. And if I let go of your hand you'll just go running off to one of the rides again." He laughs, with a light lift of the shoulders, showing that it really isn't that big of a deal.
"Right."

"Why do you think we're holding hands ?" A smirk plastered all over his dumb face.
"I don't know. I was holding your hand to make sure you were still breathing after you're little episode up there." I laugh and he frowns at me.

"No fair, everyone's afraid of something. And mine just happens to be heights." He says

"Okay, I'll take that as a reasonable excuse."
"It's no excuse miss Rylin. It's a explanation. What are you most afraid of ? What sends a shiver down your spine and makes your heart beat faster just at the thought ?" He asks, whispering the last part in a attempt to make it sound more menacing.

I roll my eyes at him, but think about his question anyway.
"People. I'm afraid of people." I mutter under my breath.
"I'm sorry that you feel that way, but that's going to have to change. At least in my case." He says
"Yeah, we'll see." I say
•••
The sun lingers right above the horizon, setting the whole garden in a red glaze. Ryan invited Loki over for dinner because mom has gone to a friend of hers house for a party.

The fire's warming my toes as I sit at the edge of my deck chair.
"So Loki ? How did you enjoy today ?" Jenn asks.

I scowl at her, i dont want it to seem as if the two of them invited him here to be interrogated. If Loki notices my frowning, he doesn't react to it.

"It was good, a little terrifying but good." He replies.

I chuckle. Jenn gives us a look, but doesn't ask anything about it. But Ryan doesn't have the same of personal space as what Jenn does.

"Terrifying ? How?" Ryan asks, a frown playing across his forehead.
I groan internally, see ? A complete and utter interrogation.

"Oh..."Loki starts to answer but I interrupt before he can reply.
"A fish brushed against my leg. I screamed and it gave Loki a fright." I lie as innocently as possible.

Loki glances at me, his eyes thanking me and I smile at him.

"You guys are weird. You have any siblings ? Ryan asks.
"Yeah, I have two sisters. Ones fifteen and the other is eleven."
"Really?" I ask surprised.
"Yeah, Tyla and Decca."

"Where'd you go to school previously ?" Ryan asks, apparently not wanting to linger on the subject.

"I was homeschooled." He looks down, a look on his face that almost makes me get up and hug him.

"listen guys, I really had fun tonight and thanks for supper but I have to go." He says And with that he gets up and makes his way over to Ryan to shake his hand and gives Jenn a friendly hug.

He makes his way to the front door without even glancing at me.

"Wait."

He keeps walking.

"Loki. Please. Wait." I plead but he doesn't even slow his pace.

"Are you kidding me right now." I growl, getting really irritated with him.

My tone must surprise him because he turns around but what I see surprises me. Tears are steaming down his cheeks, his eyes pleading me just to let him leave.

I take his hand and pull him out towards the car instead. I shove him as gently as I can into the passenger seat. I get into the driver seat and think about where I would take him.

"Keys." I growl, unable to control my emotions.  It shouldn't make me angry that he's upset and i don't know why, I know this. But it upsets me to see him so sad.

He hands them to me without looking my way.

"I'm sorry." He whispers, he's shaking and the tears are rolling endlessly down his face. I've always believed that guys are strong, that they don't cry unless they are really upset. Which is why Loki's scaring me.

"Don't Loki, don't say sorry right now."
"I shouldn't have done this." He whimpers.
"Done what ?" I say,
"Come today, everything." He says, his voice barely audible.

I stop the car and pull him towards me, I hug him as tight as I possibly can. I can feel his tears wetting my shirt.

"I don't regret today and neither should you. I loved every moment. You're amazing, and i know that i don't really know anything about you. But i know you're a good person."

He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes.

Theres something broken about him. Something that i dont know if i can fix.