The boy who broke me

2.

Mom and I are sitting outside in the garden beneath the cool shade of the trees.
"How's school been Ry ? I know you always dread the start of a new year."

"It's been bearable." Im not sure why I dont mention Loki.
"Your brother said you met someone ?" I groan internally. Of course he told her.
"Yes, but its not like Ryan makes it sound. We're friends and i'm really hesitant about letting him in."
"I know you're scared that people will hurt you. So just take it slow but I think it'll be really great if you made a good friend."
"Thanks mom."

"What are you going to do today? It's Saturday you should go out." She pressures me every weekend to do something , but I think she knows that even if I did leave the house I'd just end up going to the book store.

"Maybe I will." I say, not wanting her to push any harder.
•••

My phone buzzes while I'm sitting on my bed painting my toe nails. It gives me such a fright that I end up painting half of my toe instead of the nail.
I frown at my screen - it's an unknown number.
Hi, its Loki. Do you want to hang out today ? I'd really like to get out and see the town but have no idea where to go:(
Ps. I got your number from Ryan

Dread immediately floods my chest, this must be one of Ryans tricks to humiliate me. He once had two girls invite me to a sleepover and when I arrived it was an abandoned house. Ryan and them then sprang out from the shadows and threw me with water balloons. The only reason i could think of for Lokis message, is Ryans passion for hurting me.

I catch him just before he leaves for his date with his girlfriend Jenn.
"Umm. Ryan ?" I ask, unsure of how to actually talk to my brother.

"Yup?"
"Loki messaged me saying he got my number from you, and that he wants to hang out. Is this another one of your tricks ?"

"Ok Rylin, I get that your a loner. I really do. But is it that hard to believe that a guy would want to spend time with you. Because i honestly dont have the time to waste tricking you." He replies irritably.

His words leave me speechless because I know what he said is true. My brother hardly thinks about me twice a day. So instead of answering I give him a small nod and look at my feet. His words might have been true, but they also cut deep. He went from always wanting to hurt me - to not thinking of me at all.
I don't know which is worse.

"Look at me, would you?" He whispers.

I look up and find that his face is full of concern, but it's only there for a quick moment before he puts back his stone cold mask. He never lets me know what he's feeling, it would ruin the bad boy facade.  

"You might be called a freak, and I might treat you like one. But because you're my sister I have to care. I'm the only person who's allowed to hurt you. I wouldn't let Loki hurt you.

One part of me is obligated to say that Loki is wasting is time with you."
After he says this, a unfamiliar emotion fills his eyes and he then looks down at his feet and whispers

"You're an amazing person Ry. I think Loki saw that."

A small smile forms on my lips. All this time I thought that the Ryan I knew had disappeared. That he truly hated me. But he's just hiding. Ryans coping mechanism after dads death is blending in with the crowd. And to do that he had to become a horrible person. And it breaks my heart.