The boy who broke me

6.

What if I woke up one morning and it was all just gone ? All the pain, all the hope. Everything. Ryan was supposed to be the brother I had always dreamt he'd be. He was supposed to change and trust me. But he didn't change and he doesn't trust me and I was a idiot to have believed him, even if it was just for a few days. I run, the wind turning my tears to ice. Loki. I need someone and right now he's the only one I want to talk to. . But I don't know where he stays. So I run. I run until my lungs are burning and I can feel my heart beating against my ribs. My phone vibrates against my leg where it rests in the pocket of my jeans.

"What is it ?" I ask not bothering to check who it is that's phoning or to hide my saddened tone.
"Rylin, what the hell ?" Ryan yells into the phone.
"Get a life Ryan, go ruin someone else's day."
"Get home, now!" He orders.
"No." I say calmly and end the call.
And I run, I run until my mind can't comprehend a single thought that could make this any worse.

I slow my pace to walking, not wanting to run away or turn back. So I just slow down to think, everything's falling apart in front of me, just when I was finally starting to smile more, enjoy the fact that it was a new day. But now ? Now I just wish that I could take a clock and wind it all the way back to the beginning of the month where I couldn't stand to look at my brother, to when I sat alone and didn't even know that it were possible that a guy like Loki would make me happy.

"Ry. Is that you ?" I hear a voice ask as a car whizzes past.
I turn to see Loki, my legs start trembling and my head feels light. But I run anyway, as fast as I can make myself go. He gets out of the car slowly, a frown playing across his forehead. I collide into his chest and breathe in his cologne  that smells of wild air. Every time we are together, the smell becomes more familiar and I've come to associate it with being safe.
"Hey." I whisper into his chest.
"Ryan phoned me, he was freaking out and saying how you had ran out of the house. So I got into the car and I was on my way there to look for you when I saw you here. What's wrong ?" He asks, a slight anger within his tone.
I cringe at it, hoping that I wasn't the reason that he was angry, but it logic prevails then of course I am. I ran away, got everyone all worked up.
Maybe the run was good for me, but only me.
It seems to have hurt everyone else, but then was it worth it ?

"I'm sorry. I just couldn't do it, listen to how they thought you were a bad guy, you should have seen him Loki. He was back to his old self. And I thought that side of him was gone, that he finally changed." I speak slowly, trying to keep myself from tearing up again. Crying is weak, and I'm tired of being weak.
"You're not okay, none of this is okay. So come, we're going somewhere. I've known you for a month now, and yesterday was one of the most amazing days I've had in a while ."

He smiles down at me, but not in a way that shows he pity's me. He's happy, truly happy. And maybe I am to because when you found someone that makes you smile like that, you keep them as close as you can.

•••
He hold my hand as he guides me down the shoreline, the waves roll onto the sand and tickles my feet. The afternoon sun heats the air, leaving it damp and heavy. My chest heaves up and down as we walk, Loki's feet move in sink with mine, moving at the same pace.

He turns around to face me, his green eyes following the lines of my face. From my forehead, down to my nose and over my cheekbones and ending at my lips and chin. A smile crosses his face as he moves his hand onto my waist and pulls me closer. He hugs me and whispers :
"Brillar en un cielo de oscuridad." He pulls away slightly and cups my face within his hand. He inches his closer and rests his nose on mine and rubs his hand across my cheek, my skin tingles, heat rises at his touch and my heart rate picks up as I realize what he's about to do.

He kisses my nose, slowly and sweetly and then his lips meet with mine with a determination I didn't even realize he had within him. He smiles against my lips, and I smile back.

"What was that?" I whisper, a smile coursing through me internally. It's a smile that I don't think will ever fade.
"Sorry. I took that a little far." He says with the slightest shake of his head.
"No, it's ok." I say awkwardly
He chuckles and I pull him down onto the sand. Our feet resting in the water every time the tide rolls in.

"What did it mean ? That line you said in Spanish ?" I ask quizzically.
"Oh that. It means 'shine bright in a sea of darkness.' I thought it was something you could use." He shrugs.
"It's amazing, I didn't know that you spoke Spanish."
"Oh yeah, my dad was Spanish so it was kind of our thing. He taught and I listened."
"That's so sweet." I say.
"Sweet ?"
"You know what I mean, it's cool that the two of you had something."
"Yeah. It was."
"Is. Present tense. You will always have that, even though he's not here."
He smiles at me, takes a hold of my hand and there we sit, letting the wind blow our hair In all directions.

I rest my head on his shoulder. Taking in the ocean in front of us and him beside me.
"Look, each time the water hits the sand you can see a whole new world within it. The fish, coral, shells and colors. It's amazing isn't it ?" He asks.
He's different, he notices things that not many high school boys would, he's no Prince Charming with no flaws, but who cares ?

"I do. It's like each wave holds a second chance. If the first one didn't get it right then the second and the third and even the fourth can come back and try again."
"We're so poetic." He laughs.
"Indeed we are." I say as I nudge his shoulder.
•••
"Thank you for today. It made this mess slightly more bearable." I say.
"Your welcome." He smiles.
"Bye."
"Hey you. Wait."
"What?" I laugh.
"Why do you think we kissed ?" He teases.
"Because you're way to pretty for your own good." I say sarcastically and give him a light kiss on the cheek before I step into the front door.
•••
As I walk into the house, Ryan bumps into me and grabs me by the shoulders as if he were inspecting my health conditions and whether I were ok . Once he has had a good look at me, he pulls me into a protective hug.
"I'm sorry. I had no right to say those things, it was horrible to say. Forgive me?" He pleads.
"Sure." Because I'm in a good mood.
"Thank you." He breathes. "That was easier than I thought it would be." He comments.
"Loki helped make today better. You can thank him."
"What happened? Did he kiss you?" He asks, raising a eyebrow.
"Maybe." I giggle and run up the stairs.

Once I reach my bedroom, I throw myself onto my bed and take it all in. The whole day. Everything.
"Was it your first kiss ?" He asks.
"Yes."
"Mine was Jenn." He says.
"Really ?" I ask. Surprised by the fact that he only kissed a girl at the age of 15 when his first girlfriend was at the age of 13.
"I saved it for someone I thought would last." He shrugs.
"I guess I did to." I whisper.