The boy who broke me

7.

The evening air is cool, blowing my hair across my face. The stars light up the darkness enough that I can see the houses lining the streets , the tree I'm sitting under is rustling under the weight of the wind. The sound of music is softly playing in the background, probably coming from Ryan's room based on the heavy bass I can hear. He's always loved music that you can feel within you, when the beat shakes you and the words move you. I could never really seem to understand, but I guess that's only because I never cared enough to try and be a little more considerate about what he loved and hated. Maybe i could try again now. Maybe.
I sit under the tree and watch the sky for what feels like a hour, the stars catch me within their shine and the moon holds me right there with its pull. Everything about tonight's sky keeps me right here, under this tree for as long as I can possibly manage. And it's amazing, until I hear moms voice. Calling. Always calling.
As I make my way to the house, I see Jenn pull into the drive way. Strange, she's not usually here when it's dark, she's more of a when its light and sunny type of girlfriend...
"Hey." I say from where I'm standing in the shadows.
"Rylin? What are you doing out in the dark."
"Stars." I say, pointing upward as if she could see me. From the pause I can tell she's glanced up to see for herself.
"They are quite something tonight, aren't they ?"
"Mm hm." I say, currently occupied with one of the brighter stars in the sky.
"RYLIN." Mom yells, louder this time. More urgent.
"Guess I have to go see what she wants." I groan.
Jenn only chuckles in reply as she heads towards what I can only guess to be Ryan's room.
•••
When I come into the living room where mom is sitting, she's looking down at her phone.
"Yes mom?" I ask carefully. Not quite sure what she made of my outburst at her and Ryan this morning.
"Sit here for a minute, wouldn't you ?" She smiles sadly.
"Ok." I reply.
"This morning. You really scared me, are you okay? You know, with this boy and your brother."
"I guess I'm fine. Loki's amazing, he's helped me through this year pretty well so far and as for Ryan, I'm taking it one day at a time." I say, trying to think my words through carefully.
"I've been thinking, about friends." She says calmly.
"I have friends." I lie sheepishly.
"Rylin." She says pointedly.
"Fine. I don't." I grumble and mom gives me yet another sad smile. 
"Make a new friend, someone who isn't a guy."
"I'll try mom." I say irritably.
"Good."
She stands up and takes one of my hands in both of hers, gazing at me distantly as if she was distracted by something.
I pull myself free from her grasp and leave, because I enjoyed being out there in between the stars a lot more than what I enjoyed my mother telling me I needed friends. Sure mom, like it's actually that easy.
I spend the rest of my evening inside a book, losing myself within the pages and the words that they hold. Sometimes the imagined worlds that I read about are a lot more inviting than reality. Maybe more than just sometimes if I'm being completely honest.
•••
The weekend passes by faster than what I thought humanly possible and then it's Monday. The start of a new week always puts me in a sour mood, now more than ever because I have no idea where Loki and I stand after Saturday.
Moms words still linger in my mind. Friends, friends, friends! But it's not that easy is it? Meeting someone you actually want to spend time with and then still manage to get them to believe that they also want to be your friend ? When it comes to me, that could shortly be described as impossible.
"Hey." Jenn's voice pulls me out of my daydream.
"Hey." I say, my voice is dull even to my ears.
"What's up?" She asks.
I give her a look that tells her I really would like to give her a sarcastic answer but don't, because I really need to talk to her right now. Jenn always knows what to do when it comes to friends or maybe just the entire human species as a whole, she's a people's person.
"How do you make a friend?" I ask, sounding completely and utterly idiotic.
She frowns, as if this is a maths question she just doesn't quite know how to answer.
"You start off by being friendly, talking to them and then slowly try and see if it's a person you could get along with." She shrugs.
"It's that easy, right?" I tease.
"What's this all about anyway?" She asks sitting beside me as we wait for first bell to go.
"Mom wants me to make a friend."
"Alright. Well I have someone for you."
"This is friendship Jenn, not clothes shopping." I point out.
"You know what I mean." She says and then pauses as if she has something else to say.
"Lunch time, you and Loki meet me and Ryan at the bleachers." She says and walks away.
•••
The classes drag on, each one longer than the one before it. But eventually the bell rings for lunch and I start thinking about how I'm going to tell Loki that we have to sit with the group that hurts me because Jenn said so. That's going to go down well.
He makes his way toward me, his walk confident yet it doesn't demand attention like most guys. Loki is special, in more ways than one. I guess that's why I like him.
"Hey." I wave.
"What's up?" He asks casually.
"I spoke to Jenn this morning and she invited us to sit with them for lunch." I say nonchalantly.
"No. No way."
"Please Loki. It's important." I really need a friend. I complete the sentence in my head, not having the courage to confess it out loud.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asks warily.
"Yes, I need to do this." I say, trying to sound confident.
"Well then, let's go have lunch with the cool croud." He says and hooks his arm into mine.
We walk with our arms linked together towards the bleachers.