The boy who broke me

24.

Our week away is filled with waves, sun and so much laughing that my stomach is still sore.

But it all seems to fade away as I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling, dread filling every inch of who I am. Because in a few hours, the suns going to come up and I'm going to have to face the day head on.

I'm going to have to be smiley and happy but a big part of me knows that I can't be that person tomorrow. Remembering him will consume me and I'll let it because it's dads day.

It's a horrible and depressing day, but it's still the day that he died. The day where we all get to mourn him.

The clock ticks by and eventually the sun rises, as I get up and out of bed. I immediately make my way over to the window and look at the sky. It's a bright blue day with only a few clouds scattered across the sky. The sun is bright and it almost seems wrong on a day like today. Too bright and happy to represent the saddest day of the year.

"Hey dad. Everything's still good down here." I whisper.

I've made it a yearly thing, where I catch up with dad. But I'm usually alone, so dad and I are just going to have to catch up in the quiet moments.

There's a knock on the door, it opens and Ryan walks in. His face is stricken with grief. And it's like all at ones all the days that I try and forget that my dad is gone, all that sad that I've pushed away comes crashing in on me all at once.

"Hey." I say, my voice quiet.
"Hey baby sis."
"It's today." I say, my voice hitches as I try and keep myself from crying. I only just woke up.
"Today is going to be suck, but this year I'm here. So we can go through the suck together."
I sniff.
"Okay."
•••
The house has a feeling that i can't quite place, but it isn't the same energetic holiday vibe that I usually wake up to.

Ryan and I walk into the kitchen side by side, we both need each other today so as much as I can help it. I'm not leaving my brothers side, I won't make it today without him.

Usually I'd have Loki to depend on, but i never quite got around to telling him what today was. He's on holiday and if I told him then it would only dampen the fun. I'd tell him eventually I think, just not right now. We just got ourselves into a good place and I want us to stay that way.

But when I see Loki, all happy and good thoughts that he brings die out.  Because Loki and Tyla are sitting out by the pool, staring out at the ocean. Both in tears.

The first thing that comes to mind is that one of the others have gotten hurt and had to rush off to the hospital. Which would explain why I haven't seen the four of them. Ryan has walked to fridge and it looks as if he's reading something.

"What's that ?" I ask.
"A letter, Caden and Addy went out for the day and then Jenn and Sage have gone to the store to pick up some ice cream."
"Well by the looks of it, we could use all the ice cream we can get."
"Yup. Way to many tears."

Jenn was there when dad died, so the ice cream is her way of making things better and Ryan and I both decided that since Addy was so close to the both of us that we should tell her so her being gone for the day is her way of making things better.

"I'm going to go see why they're upset." I say and make my way over to them.

Their backs are turnt toward me, so they don't see me coming. I hear snippets of the conversation before I reach them.

"I know it's hard, but you've done so well."
"I can't do it anymore." Tyla says, her voice sounds shattered and tired.
"We'll do it together." Loki says and pulls her close.

I pause, unsure of whether or not I should actually make them aware that I'm here. Just as I start to turn away, Tyla sees me.

"Rylin, come here." She says.
"Okay."