The boy who broke me

10.

The light coruscates through the curtains, hurting my eyes. I blink a few times to rid the sleep from my eyes. Yesterday is a blur, Ryan said that the only reason he's acting out is because of the boys on the rugby team. They threatened to bring his reputation as captain to dust by telling the coach about his drinking problem. He counts on his skill to make it into college on day. They threatened Jenn. To hurt her the same way they have so often done to me. With words and sometimes a fist. I get why he had to drop me, why he's drinking. Why he's always drinking. I've known what reasons he has but that doesn't mean I agree with it. My dad died too, I miss him just as much as Ryan does. But I don't drink. I've been tormented for years on end, but I don't drink. I don't treat people like animals just because I've been threatened.
I knock on Ryan's door but don't bother to wait for a reply. I knows he's asleep, trying to ignore the fact that he probably ruined his relationship with Jenn and can't walk straight.
He's sprawled across the bed, hardly moving. I have to make sure that he's breathing.
"Ryan, get up. We have school." I say firmly.
"Get lost." He groans, sleep and the slur of too much beer filling his voice.
I yank the duvet off of him and pull him by his feet. He's too heavy and I drop him. The hits the floor with a heavy thump.
"Dammit Rylin." He yells, getting up on his feet.
I step back, the look in his eyes sends a shiver down my spine. The phrase 'if looks could kill.' Comes into my mind at that moment, I try to get away because I've seen this look before, it's the same look he had before he hurt Jenn. He grabs my arm, his grip so tight that I know it's going to leave a mark.
"Why can't you just leave me the hell alone." He growls, his tone fierce. He's going to hurt me.
"Ryan let me go, you're hurting me." I whimper.
"You ruin everything." He yells, and at that moment he lifts his fist up and it collides with my jaw. A rapped pain fills me, I need to get away. I twist myself so his grip loosens and then I run. I get into my car and drive in the schools direction.
As I step out of the car and into the outside air, my legs fumble beneath me and my hands start shaking.
I sit down on the sidewalk and try and regain what little control I had. My jaw throbs and I have a huge headache but it's all dull in comparison to the fear I now have for my brother.
He was just drunk.
I tell myself, i repeat it over and over until my breathing slows down. I hear footsteps but I'm consumed within myself so I don't register what's happening. Ryan steps in front of me and my heartbeat picks up.
He examines my face, his face full of conflicting emotion.
"I'm so sorry." He whispers.
"Just leave." My voice catches in my throat.
"WHAT DID YOU DO." Someone yells. I look up and see Loki.
"I'm sorry." Ryan mutters.
"GET AWAY FROM HER." Loki yells.
Ryan turns around, his shoulders are hunched so he looks smaller than what he really is.
I'm shaking and my breathing comes in short ragged sounds. I'm afraid of my brother.
"Look at me." Loki growls.
He takes both my hands in his and pulls me to my feet. He takes his hand and rubs it over my jaw, I wince.
His face grows red, he looks me in the eye and then storms off. I numbly follow behind him. Not wanting to be by myself anymore.
We find Ryan by the bleachers, laughing with his friends as if nothing had happened.
Loki yanks him at the shoulders, the force of it all makes Ryan spin around. All the boys around us tense up, getting ready to defend their captain.
I fear for the safety of Loki at that moment.
"Are you kidding me." Ryan says, acting the toughest he possibly can.
"You can bloody bet that I'm not kidding." Loki growls.
I step into Addy, she holds my hand. She stares at my jaw in what seems like surprise.
"What happened ?" She whispers.
"Ryan." I shake my head, telling her we can't really go into detail now.

Ryan and Loki have moved onto the grass now, both of them scowling.
"You ever touch her again and I'll hurt you, Ryan."
"Whatever."
"WHAT KIND OF A BROTHER HITS HIS SISTER ?" Loki yells.
Ryan's masks falters as the crowd gasps. They see him for what he really is now. Their gazes turn to me, pity fills their eyes. I don't need their pity.
"You did that?" Jenn asks from somewhere within the crowd.
Ryan just looks at her, stunned into silence. Jenn emerges from where she stood and holds me. More for herself than me, I pull back wanting to look my brother in the eye.
"She did not deserve that, Ryan." Loki says, slightly calmer now.
"I know that." Ryan yells.
"How could you." Jenn shrieks at him, her voice making me jolt.
"You monster." Addy yells, each person seems to be louder than the first.
I sit myself down on the ground and cover my head, trying to block it all out.
"What if the freak did deserve it?" Gabriel yells.
"Shut up." Loki and Jenn yell in unison.
I lift my head and catch sight of coach, his office is right next to the bleachers so he probably heard all of this.
"What the hell are you idiots yelling about?" He asks. Everyone's gaze turns on me.
Coach then looks at me, being on the floor next to him and because everyone just had to look at me.
"Who did that?" He asks.
I don't say anything but I can't stop myself from looking at Ryan. Everyone else does the same, but instead of cooly looking at him they glare.
"Dresden, d'you do that ?"
Ryan just looks down, ashamed probably.
"Well then, i guess you're off the team."
"But coach, that's not fair." I whisper.
"It's bloody well fair, have you seen that jaw of yours. He could have broken it." He breathes heavily- "Ryan, my office. NOW." Coach says while looking at me.
•••
"I'm sorry." Loki says.
"Can we just forget any of that ever happened?"
I ask.
"No, we can't. But I'll talk to about it later."
•••
I'm called into the principals office and told that I can go home, Ryan's been suspended for the week and I have the day off. I'll have to avoid him as much as possible. Again.
•••
I sleep most of the day. I wake up to the sound of mom getting home, I get into the shower hoping that I can avoid her yelling at Ryan as long as possible. I head toward the drawer that I keep my makeup in but Ryan walks in before I can cover my bruise. It's a deep purple with green and yellow between it.
I start shaking and have to sit down, my teeth chatter together. I can't be afraid of my brother.
A tears rolls down Ryan's cheek, he's crying but I don't comfort him. I can't go that close to him.
"I was drunk, I was a idiot. I'm sorry."
I nod, because he is all of those things.
He comes closer and I smell the alcohol on him, again.
"Get out, your drunk. Again." I say as firmly as possible. I'm still afraid.
"Can you blame me though, my life's falling apart." He says.
"No Ryan, I can't blame you. But I want to be as far away from you as possible." I stay silent but then add "for now." Because i don't want to be afraid of Ryan forever.
He nods.
"I really am sorry."
"I know you are."
Loki comes up the stairs at that moment and glares at Ryan.
"Go, he'll hurt you." I tell Ryan.
He nods and leaves.
"Hey you." I smile sadly.
"Hey." He says. He comes closer and frowns as he touches my jaw. I flinch again, it's still sore.
"I think it makes me look tough." I say, flexing my biceps.
He laughs and shakes his head at me.
"You're extremely cute. You know that?"
I bat my eyelashes and smile sheepishly at him.
He laughs again and pulls me into a hug.
"I missed you." I say, my head in his shoulder.
"I'm sorry that i left. Those idiots might have gotten in my head but that's no good reason." He says.
"I don't care about any of that anymore." I say, I lift my head so that my chin is resting on his chest as I look him in the eyes. He smiles at me, moves closer and kisses me. It's slow as if he's trying to memorize how we fit together.
I pull away, take his hand and lead him towards my bed.
I lie down and he lies next to me, I hear Jenn and Ryan having a argument and then mom joins in. Her voice louder than theirs. She knows.
I shiver and shove my head into Loki's chest. He puts his arms around me and holds me close, protecting me from it all. He kisses my forehead and i turn my head to look at him. I give him a quick kiss on the lips and ask him if he'd like to watch a movie. We end up watching the first season of the vampire diaries. I fall asleep in his arms and the next day when I wake up, he's gone but he left a letter.
Left last night. Your mom would be suspicious ;) see you tomorrow. I don't want you to go to school today.
- Loki Scott.
I smile down at the letter. I go down to the kitchen to get myself some breakfast and find mom sitting at the table, rubbing her temples. She's worried.
"Hey mom." I say as I open the fridge and take out the milk.
"Oh thank goodness." She breathes and comes closer.
"Mom, I'm fine." I say.
"How bad does it hurt, honey ?"
"Not that bad."
"Okay good, I'm sorry that it happened." She shakes her head.
"I'm not saying that's it's right mom, nothing about that was right but he's under a lot of pressure."
"You're too kind for your own good sometimes." She kisses my forehead and goes off to work.
Ryan makes his way down the stairs and I internally groan.
"Are you going to school?" He asks.
"No, headaches pretty intense." I say.
He doesn't say anything so I just eat my cereal as fast as I can go without choking, as soon as Im done I run upstairs.
I get into bed and watch tv until I look at the clock and realize that it's three. Loki, Addy and Jenn are coming in half an hour.
•••
Jenn walks in behind the other two and she has tears in her eyes. Jenn never cries.