The boy who broke me

9.

The days pass by, and Loki and Ryan just become more and more distant from me. They hardly ever speak to me, but at lunch they disappear and leave me alone with Addy. She's helped me through one of the most tough weeks I've gone through in a while when it didn't seem like I could count on Loki to be there.

Addy lived in South Africa for 16 years before she moved here, it explains her accent. She has two older brothers and as far as I can tell she is one of the most genuine people I've ever met.

"Hey." She calls from the opposite end of the hallway.
"Hey." I wave.
"Spoken to Loki today ?" She asks.
"I haven't even seen him."
"It's so strange, they're up to something."
"And it certainly isn't going to be good." I mumble under my breath. Hoping that she didn't hear.
"Ready for math ?" She asks.
"Never." I laugh and we make our way towards the maths classroom.
•••
"I'm just glad it's almost school break." Addy breathes as we sit under our tree, I don't even glance in the direction I know Loki will be standing, he's not coming here so why should I even bother ?
"Just three more days." I agree.
"Loki and Ryan are looking at you." She says.
I look up to find both of them glaring in my direction, what's that all about ? I smile back at them and just before I turn my head again I put on the most hurt face I can muster, hoping that maybe Loki will talk to me. Just maybe he'll give up on this act of his and come back.

He doesn't.

"I'm sorry Ry, I wish I knew what he was up to." Addy says, trying to cheer me up.
"He can do what he likes, I don't care." I lie.
"You're lying, stop it." She says curtly.
"Okay, fine. I care but I can't change him so why upset myself over it ?"
"I'll drop it then."
"Thank you. Talking about boys, found one you like in particular?" I smirk.
"No, not really."
I can tell that's she's not telling me something but I'm not in the mood to investigate so I leave it alone. She'll tell me when she wants to.
"I've got to do something real quick, I'll see you later." Addy says and leaves.
I sit by myself, just like I did last year and the year before and it brings back memories I'd much rather forget, but the shade of the tree and the sound of the pages of my book turning comforts me all the same.
I look up at Loki out of habit and notice him looking at me, his face is something resembling regretful. He mouths his Spanish line to me and something lights up within me, a spark of hope. I nod sadly and go back to my book, not wanting to let myself in for more heartache.
The day drags on, the last lesson English. The lesson Loki and I have together.
•••
He doesn't look at me, not once. But when he sits next to me, he holds my hand beneath the desk, where nobody can see. What's going on ? Why can't he be seen holding my hand? Does it have anything to do with Ryan, his hand is shaking beneath my hold so all I do is tighten my grip. Strengthening him, holding him still.
"I'm sorry." He whispers.
"Just don't." I say, I don't want to do this here, I don't want to have to listen to why he left me and why he thought it actually matters. I pull my hand away and continue writing my essay because right now i can understand what I'm writing more than I can understand my boyfriend.
•••
I get home and everything is quiet, not a single sound. Usually there would be music or a tv or something but today it's just silence. I sit at my desk and get started with homework.

Loki's pretty much gone, he never speaks to me and the only time I see him is in English class, I don't think I want to do this anymore, wait and know that he doesn't plan on being here. He called himself my boyfriend but for the past 3 weeks he has been nothing but a stranger. Ryan's also acting strange, he has gone back to his old friends, he gives me comments that I don't completely understand and at any chance he gets, he'll whisper about me to Jenn and every time he does, Jenn seems sink deeper into herself. He's breaking her, dulling her shine and i think she feels it. Addy is helping me through all of it, but how can one person fend off all the troubles of life. She can't. The sun sets which sets my room in a golden glow, the silence of the house is actually a pleasant change.

But then it disappears, the soundless house, the golden glow, the undying feeling of peace. It all ends. There's yelling and the sound of glass shattering fills my ears. I run downstairs knowing what I'm going to find.
Ryan is drunk, as he so often was before he tried to turn a new leaf, he's yelling and his face is contorted with anger. Jenn is on the floor a few feet away from him and she's sobbing. She has a cut below her hairline and is surrounded by pieces of shattered glass. He through his bear bottle at her I realize.
"You're useless." He yells and it's at that moment that I've had enough of him. I rush up to him and shove him, he loses his balance probably due to all the alcohol he has in his system and falls onto the floor.
It gives me enough time to pull Jenn to her feet and run towards my room where I lock us inside. Safe from my brothers drunken rage, from his idiotic words and most of all safe from the chaotic world that lies just beyond that door.
Jenn just sinks to the floor and sits. She doesn't cry, she's strong. She finds herself somewhere deep inside and looks up at me. She doesn't look like someone who's boyfriend just hurt her, the only sign of that is the cut on her forehead. I sit myself beside her and dab the cut with a wet cloth. She winces but doesn't say anything.
"What happened?" I ask.
"We were at this bar, and Ryan got really drunk so I dragged him home. When we got here he tried to kiss me, but I wasn't going to have his drunk self any where near me. He got really mad and started yelling, he threw that bottle at me but missed and one of the pieces cut me. Then you got there. Thank you."
"I'm so sorry. He's a idiot when he drinks."
"He's always drinking." She says sadly.
I just shake my head, unsure of what to say. I've known that my brother tries to drink his problems away for a while now but I just assumed it had gotten better recently, I fooled myself into believing that life had stopped eating away at him. Stupid.
"I can't help him anymore, Rylin. He doesn't want my help and I can't change him."
"You sound like you're giving up." I whisper.
"Maybe I am." She mutters.
She hugs me and I hug her back, both of us using each other to lean on. Without her I think I'd break into a million unstable pieces.
•••
Ryan stomps around the house, a bottle of moms wine in his hands. He doesn't even care if mom gets home and catches him. The Ryan that tried to change is gone. I know that now.
"Ethan and Gabriel threatened to tell coach about my drinking and also that they'd hurt Jenn." He mutters.

I stare at him in utter shock. Things are worse than I originally thought."