The boy who broke me

5.

"Loki, do you want to talk about it?" I whisper. His tears are still seeping through my clothes. The wetness starts to dampen more than just my clothes and i can feel tears of my own threatening to spill over.

"Things haven't been good in my life, they haven't been in a while." He says, pulling away from me.

His eyes are red and his cheeks still damp. He pulls me close and grips me tight against his chest. Hugging me really tightly. I pull away just a few inches and hold his face so that he's looking me in the eyes, I need to see those green eyes of his, they keep a person stable.

"Im here now, I'm here to be your shoulder. I'm here to help make things a little easier" I whisper and press my head against his chest, where I can feel his heartbeat slowing down.

He sits down on the sidewalk with me still in his arms. He pulls me onto his lap and gives me a small but sad smile.
"I'm sorry that I upset you." He says.
"Thats okay. What happened back there Loki ?" I ask.

"The questions your brother was asking, for some reason they brought it all back." He says, shaking his head slowly while looking at something past me.

"What did it bring back ?" I ask wearily. Unsure of whether I'm taking it too far. I haven't even known him a month.

"The memories. It all just came back, i tried to forget and I was doing so well." A single tear falls down his cheek and somehow it seems to be even more sad than what the tears before were.

I press my thumb to his cheek and wipe the tear away.

"My family died about a year ago." He whispers.

I feel my breath catch in my throat and the tears well up again. I finally get it, I get why he didn't judge me, why he was so nice and I fully understand his tears.

Because I've felt this pain before, the ache that never goes away. All you can so is try to distract yourself so it cant consume you.

"I am so so sorry, Loki." I reply.
"It was a helicopter crash, my dad had arranged one of those tours where you can fly over a land mark.

It was my sisters birthday, he surprised her with the ride. It was her first birthday that i didnt spend with her and it was just because I didn't have the guts to go up that high. He says, his voice devoid of all emotion.

"Look at me Loki." I say and he finally meets my eyes. "If you had gone on that helicopter there would have been no one to remember the love you guys had for each other. You wouldn't have been here today, with me. You wouldn't have made my life less of a dark place."

I smile and so does he, but it doesn't reach his eyes.

"If I had died that day I wouldn't have known what this sadness feels like: The feeling of knowing that you'll never see them again, be with them down here on earth." He whimpers.

I press my nose against his, my hand on his heart.

"If you died that day, I would never have been able to feel the happiness I feel when your around."

He hugs me and whispers into my ear, his warm breath tickling my neck.
"Thank you."
•••
He drops me off at the front door, i give his hand one last encouraging squeeze and step out into the cold wind. The moon hangs high above my head, setting everthing aglow. Ryan storms out, a scowl on his face.

"What the hell, Rylin?"
"He was upset, i had to do something."
"Upset about what? His mommy issues?" He scoffs.

I storm past him, making sure that i hit him hard enough with my shoulder to knock him off balance.

"Shut up Ryan." I yell, i can feel the tears wanting to spill over.

He takes a step back, i've never yelled at him before.
"Im sorry, okay ? Im new at this."

"No, you're not. You just aren't trying at all." I say as i head up the stairs.

"Wait." He pleads. "I am. I promise."

I turn around and search his face for any signs of lying or sarcasm. I find nothing, only desperation.

"Fine, come with me." I say.

He takes the stairs two at a time and hugs me, almost as if my response had made him happy.

"What are we doing ?" He asks quizically.
"Watching cinderella." I answer, sarcasm filling my tone.
"Really? Awesome, i love that movie."

"I was kidding, we're watching ninja turtles. Its way better than Cinderella." I say.
"Thats my sister. I knew you wouldnt do that to me." He says gratefully
.
"So now your proud of me?" I tease.
"Im never going to live this one down am i ? And I'm always proud of you." He's trying to be silly, but something in his tone tells me that he isnt joking.

"If you try hard enough Ry, you will. I'll always be able to forgive you if you try. " I answer as truthfully as i can.

"Thanks, now lets go watch some talking turtles fight crime." He chuckles

"Well when you say it like that it just sounds silly." I laugh a little myself.
•••
"Rylin, honey ? Are you awake ?" I hear mom ask.

"No." I groan.
"I need to talk to you." Shes says carefully.

Ever since dad died last year she's been tip toeing around Ryan and I as if we were fragile pieces of glass that would break if she was too hard on us.

Ryan and I had both reacted differently to dads death. I had become even more shy and unapproachable but Ryan just became even more of a jerk, he drank his problems away and sometimes I think he tried escaping through drugs.

"Sure." I say.

She opens the door slowly and steps inside, Ryan close at her heels. I frown at him in confusion, not really sure what this is about.

He just stares blankly at me, as if he were trying to hide his expression from me. They're both dressed in their  day clothes already. Mom's in a red summer dress, she looks beautiful.

"What's this about?" I ask, completely confused by this whole situation.

"I told mom about Loki's meltdown yesterday." Ryan says, unable to look me in the eye.

My blood boils, i cant believe that he told her, he doesn't even know what happened last night. He doesn't have a clue about anything.

My brother is a complete and utter moron when it comes to feelings. He might have them, but that doesn't mean he know how to spare someone else's.

"What did you tell her, you don't even know what happened last night !" I growl.

"I told her what I saw, he's bad news. He was rude, secretive and completely unstable. I thought he would only make your situation worse." He mumbles below his breath.

"My situation? Are you kidding ? And you're wrong, he's none of those things. He's my only friend." I say irratably.

"Both of you be quiet." Mom says calmly.

We both look at her, Ryan is ashamed of himself and I'm completely furious.
"
From what I've heard, I know that you've met a boy." She says looking at me.

" And that you don't approve of him." She looks at Ryan."but also that there's more to this than just a boy and some new found brotherly protection issues." She says, a look of concentration on her face.

"I'd agree with you on that one mom." I growl.
"Rylin, just calm yourself down so I can have a reasonable conversation with the two of you. Tell me about Loki please."

"No, its not my story to tell. All you two need to know is that he's the most amazingly kind guy and that for now we're just friends and lastly that he had every reason to be upset last night. And Ryan, you're a idiot for doubting me when I told you to leave it alone."

"I'm sorry, I guess I should have trusted you."

"Honey, you are unstable and your brother was just trying to help. "
"Yeah, I guess he was. But try harder big bro. Because you didnt help at all." And with that i walk out.

I need to get away from all of this.