Mess / Rant

Aloha Colada From Walmart

2-12-17
Okay so random ish I guess idk I've got good vibes right now so it's worth a rant.

I went back home for the weekend and ugh it's that season of nice weather when the snow is melting and it's sunny and it's just February. It's great. Like you get all cocky thinking its fucking summer, bitch, nobody needs coats anymore. Also flu season :D it's a nice cycle. Where I live with my mom, we've still got quite a bit of snow. But we had all clear skies the drive home so I was vibing.

I rediscovered 2 Heads by Coleman Hell. I'm in love. My country roots connect to it so hard my god. I first found it in my Kesha days, (on Twitter) she posted a clip of her driving or something with it on and I didn't obsess very long bc I didn't like it as much back then. My music taste is always evolving, so hopefully I'll reach a point where I'm smart enough to reference legends in every genre, and just absorb it all. I want to keep learning and growing, that's something I've realized about myself. Keep gaining. That's all I want.

So life is still slightly temporary to me but I'm sort of creeping out of that existential crisis of life having no point and my existence being meaningless. It's sort of the first time I've fallen into it that hard for so long. Music and what I love has always given me the reassurance of direction. It sort of stepped back this time like 'I'm here if you want to believe I won't give up' and I still come back around. No way I'm leaving. But lately I've understood it's healing powers again and I'm really hoping it sticks. Last week was pretty shitty though. I think I have a short week this week, although I hardly ever know what's going on so I'll see. Lmao.

I have a new candle!! Third so far. Not counting my wallflower bc that's a different ball game you feel me. Yeah this one is Aloha Colada. Walmart shit. God I love Walmart. When we were in the "city" we stopped bc my dad met my mom halfway between their towns. If that makes sense. (Empire State of mind just came on lmao) anyways I saw these two boys. Like maybe twelve or thirteen, fourteen tops. Looking at various types of cleaner. Now. They had vans on and hoodies, the one had a tee shirt I think. And they were holding skateboards. "Ooh lemon?!" And this actually interested them. I'm only hoping they didn't sniff that shit bc sniffing chemicals will fuck you up. I don't do it but I've seen its end results. Not pretty. I wouldn't even dabble in it. Especially not with like bleach or gasoline or something heavy. Well anyways I'm sort of zoning out in their direction, my attention brought there bc of their voices. Well the one reaches up to touch a bottle and the other looks past his arm and at me. I couldn't look away obviously and I had wanted to complement their skateboards, so I figured I had to speak now and since the one guy made eye contact I complimented him since the other probably wasn't even paying attention so I said "I like your board" and awkwardly spun on the heel of my DC's and promptly heard behind me a loud whisper thing "no she wasn't talking to you" like they were fighting or some shit and I liked both of their boards but only the one looked so I was like ah but I was too awkward to like turn around and fix it so I let it go. That was random but fuck it.

Today's a year to the date since I fell in love with my ex. What a year wow. It doesn't hurt anymore. I mean I have my days where it does hurt and I have my days I'm still bitter about everything but for the most part, life moved on. And I have to remind myself of that because there is beauty in where I've gotten now. And I'll see it all through.

I just want to make music. That's my reason to exist, I want to keep doing this. Nothing else. You know, it gets easy to forget how in love I am with it.

My cactus is seriously gonna die and I'm lowkey sad bc I don't have the money for a new one. I think it's bc it never gets any sun bc I'm afraid it'll freeze in my windowsill. Or maybe bc I don't water it as much as I should or regularly for that matter. Or maybe idk bc I drunk pissed in it. Hmm. Who knows. XD

I wrote a song today too! Holy shit it's been forever since I finished any kind of song. Like I don't typically finish the raps I start. But I haven't even tried to write a song that wasn't rap in forever but it worked and ugh I love it. I mean it could become a rap if I tried but nah. I like the vocals for it when it isn't.

Yeah idk that's all.

Hot tub time machine is legit 😂👌

Adios (that's how you spell it right? Mexican goodbye?)

- Randy ✌️