1-12-17 Spotlight by peep and marshmello is sooo good. Just saying. Go listen. I'm in love. I wish he wasn't dead. I keep having dreams about him, in my last one I got to touch his face and I knew he was gonna die but I didn't say anything. I really hate when somebody belittles my love for things or people like that. A lot of times with me, everything is so much bigger than it seems. And it's not like I'm "wooah I'm a basic bitch who's gonna try to be edgy and listen to this grunge rap shit oh mY gOD you're sOoOo hOT" like fuck that. Lil Peep understood. Understands. Things, and it's all in these little details. And I know. He doesn't have to say what he understands. I just know he does. I know it sounds so stupid. But I've been looking for somebody to understand and that's what I found in him. In his music. It's all weighted so heavy to me, I have such a connection to so many songs, again it's the littlest shit I find in them, and even the bigger concepts as well and the sound of it, and I still find new ones on the daily. But I try to pace myself so I don't run out of songs. Especially now.. god I miss him. I might try to draw him I think. To add to my collection of rappers/artists in graphite on my wall (on paper. Not the wall itself although that'd be fucking dope?!?)
Life is really good rn. I'm at my dads, with an Xbox now, and a really cuddly hoodie. And Misti. And I'm thankful which doesn't happen too often when the world gives me reason to be so bitter. A lot of people I'm sure would change that side of me. But I wouldn't. If I sugarcoated it all the time, it wouldn't be earned. You've gotta get to know my shitty side bc I can live with it just fine. You know, and that's the real test. I don't expect anybody to stay for that shit. But like. You earn the good or deserve the bad. And I'm pretty cold. I shove guilt to the side and handle it alone, I can play real dirty. When did this get so dark. I'm sorry lmao just how it goes.
Been self reflecting a lot and it's strange. Something always shifts for me at around the new year. It's always my mental turning point. Something about fall always gets me. Idk. I have like seasonal manic depression. Usually it peaks at February and that's when it all starts. So it's not exactly in line with the seasons but it does its own thing, has its own seasons. It's varied year to year though. Idk if I like putting a label on it but that's the only way to best describe it.
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Imma paint a Koi fish and I was looking at reference pictures and found this. It's so funny to me bc all the other fish are doing their own thing and he's just like whaaaat. WhaAaaAaAaAatTttTtT
I think that's all I have to say. I have so much on my mind and today was busy as hell bc I also had to take finals but I'm pretty sure I kicked ass so we'll see lol
Saw a cute girl at Wendy's and almost asked for her number but she left before I did. Struggles. Lmao
Well.
Deuces - Randy ✨💚😎
(I'm obsessed with Snapchat stickers now send help)
