Mess / Rant

Fire

9-4-17
Everything has been on fire, and we're under preevac rn. The whole fucking state is worse than it's ever been. And the one by my town has no containment whatsoever like nobody's doing shit about it and people are having to leave. I'm sketched out kind of. Fuck it.

9-5-17
Baby you hurt so good, and ive been meaning to rewind cause living for here and now trips me up, chokes me out.

Bones is good shit. Been writing a lot of music, lyrics will be up soon.

You slept in my room, but not where the physicals lie. Had you drinking stars with me, talking clouds, gave me rays of sunlight that felt solid like poles- 'never bend never break'. You drifted out the open window by dawn, without closing the curtains, leaving your bones, empty shirt, and bloody stardust behind, like a murder scene but I swear to god you're at my ceiling all the fucking time. To break the remnants of you would be sac-religious so I keep you around because I've always had issues letting go, and I don't care enough to think it's something to change any longer. After all, what would I be without the death of these things? What would I be without the people living and dying within me? Said "stupid's next to I love you" but it's closer to a bottle and I'd never regret that syllable set. She left a certain pain in me, for how wrong she did me, but you're different, you're a different hurt. Deep fucking cuts but you pour sugar to fill the gap, despite the way it stings, and I think it's sweet to think of deserving you for a minute. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. Somebody told me we don't deserve the forgiveness we receive in life, and I suppose you figured that out the same ways I did, the same reasons I used to be thankful for, because your forgiveness had me falling to my knees. I learn quick not to care, despite knowing I'd throw it all away, if you gave me the right words. Is that information relevant? I think I have a lot to learn about myself, and maybe i don't know enough.

That drained me a bit. Sick of addressing shit, I'm pushing it all down. Just fuck it. Not much is even worth my time anymore. Who even fucking cares?

- ✌️