Mess / Rant

Yeah. Anxiety. Dreams. Late update. Yay me.

4-7-17
I just slept, had three dreams. Ended on a bad note. The first one had something to do with me and this person and it must've been cute and shit bc I thought maybe I'd have a collection of dreams tonight that didnt end up in anxiety. I just remember waking up at like 3:48 in the morning and I remembered it then and smiled. went to sleep and had a dream he was caught at the wrong place and was with some people who killed somebody from a meth overdose and we're all walking down the hallway in like organized very military like lines, he's next to me and his anxiety is something I can feel even though he looks fine. So as they try to separate the ones who had info on it to take them into questioning, I hugged him and didn't say a word, and he said "Hun, you're wonderful" and it's cheesy af and he'd never word it that way but it was sweet in all honesty. But then my next dream had something to do with me doing something stupid and him getting pissed and it went darker after that but I don't remember it and so I woke up anxious. Idk. Anxiety is a strange thrill for me although it gets the best of me. Like I don't feel weak and terrified of the world and scared. That's not me. I just feel like it puts me through shit, and at points, changes my perspective. It's raining hard as shit outside and I'm in bed thinking it'd be better in the dark. Everything. Idk. I'm not gonna post this until I have more to say I guess, maybe something will happen this weekend.
- dueces

4-9-17
Fuck fuck fuck

Anxiety on a high. Got fucked up.

People are highly intriguing tbh... Even the snakes we hide within ourselves... Fuck. Ugh. I need to write for somebody, because so much is happening but like my mind is so fucked at this point so I thought maybe I'd warm up and rant here.. But like all I want to talk about is this person, and it's not as "sweet" as it sounds, just some screwed up shit is going on with this dude I've been kicking it with.. And I want to write it out, I guess, but I'm trying to like not make it too straightforward. Double meanings and aesthetics and shit. I just want it to sound intelligent. I guess.

Never caught a feeling this hard
Harder than the liquor I pour,
- I Fall Apart // Post Malone

So hahahahaha remember me quitting smoking. Yeah nope. I've smoked more this weekend than I ever have in a weekend. Like fuck. But I'm working on it. Idk why I tell you this shit.

Memories are honestly worth everything. Document the world. Keep living, keep breathing.

Lately I've had lots of ideas for music videos but I can't do anything about it but it's kind of fun to imagine I guess. The visual part of this is probably one of the coolest to create, I think. Also it's sunny as shit outside like yes. I fuck with those vibes 🤘

4-14-17

I forgot to update this?? Go me.

So life's messy. Real messy. Goddamn. Imma go write a poem on everything. I don't even need music to inspire me guys fuck

Anyways. Here's a lyric I'm in love with-

You want me to be a pretty liar so bad
But I can't fuck with karma 'cause she always comes back
- Luvin You // 6LACK

- Randyyyy