The night {Colifer fan fiction}

Chapter 11: I can't go on

Jen's POV

I was waiting for him to reply to my last text. I was clearly in a flirty mood and wanted to tease him some more. I had a feeling he had fallen asleep though, so I gave up eventually and walked to the kitchen to drink some water and find something to eat.

At that exact moment there was a knock on the door. I rushed to open it, having zero clue of who it might be.

It was Colin. I definitely wasn't expecting him. He caught me completely by surprise.

"What are you do..." I was about to ask but he cut me off.

"So, where's that wine that you promised me?" he said making his way inside the house.

I stood there, dazzled by his presence. I was still processing the fact that he was really here.

"What are you doing here?" I was finally able to ask.

"You invited me, remember?" he mocked me.

"Yeah, but I don't remember you accepting my invitation. Besides, I was kind of joking. Do you have any idea what time it is?" I asked closing the door.

"Well, what can I say? I love a challenge! So, now that I'm here, how about that wine?" he smirked, making his way to the living room.

I was totally not prepared for that, but I went to bring the wine either way, along with two glasses. I left them on the coffee table and sat on the couch besides him.

"So, how are you doing?" he asked as soon as I sat down.

"Well, I've been doing great since the last time we saw each other." I answered trying to hide my grin.

"Don't play silly. You know what I mean." he said, giving me a concerned look.

"Oh, you mean how I've been doing since you broke up with me." I said and reached for the bottle and one of the glasses on the table in an attempt to avoid his gaze.

"Technically, we weren't in a relationship, so we didn't actually break up." he said and scratched his chin in awkwardness.

"That doesn't make it any better. You still broke my heart." I said trying really hard to hide my pain.

I poured some wine into my glass and took a sip.

"I know. And I'm sorry." he said apologetically.

He looked down. He couldn't bear look me in the eyes. I get that.

"I don't like this conversation. I moved on. I'm over it." I said, leaving the glass on the coffee table.

I clearly wasn't over it at all.

"Just one last thing. I..." he began to say but I was really upset and didn't want to go on with this any longer.

I didn't know how long I would be able to hold myself from crying.

Or kissing him.

Or both.

I couldn't let my emotions get the best of me.

"Please stop." I asked him.

"Just one last thing. I'm just gonna say it once and I won't bother you ever again, if this is what you really want." he pleaded.

"Fine." I sighed, knowing that I was gonna regret letting him speak moments later.

"I miss you. I didn't go a day without thinking about you and missing you more than I can ever express." he said taking my hands into his and looking deeply into my eyes.

His gaze was burning.

His touch was making me weak. I wasn't good at being weak. I was a strong and independent woman, yet I felt like a vulnerable little girl whenever he was around.

"I can't go on like this anymore. I need you in my life again. I would do anything. You name it. All I ask for is a second chance." he continued without breaking eye contact even for a second.

I stood frozen in spot, not knowing what to say. His hands still holding mine and smoothly caressing them. I desperately needed this conversation to come to an end.

"Do you know what was the worst part about all this? It wasn't that you broke my heart. It was that I lost you. That's why I've been so mad. Because I lost my best friend. And I don't know if I can ever forgive you for that." I said and pulled my hands from his grip.

"Jennifer..."

He went there. He said my whole name, being fully aware of how weak that made me.

I couldn't take it anymore. I desperately needed to get away from there, otherwise I would burst into tears really soon.

I stood up, trying to make my way out of the living room, but he stood up as well and blocked my way before I was able to leave. I stepped forward, trying to get past him, but he grabbed both my arms and put them behind my back, keeping me at place. I tried to free myself from his grip, but he was clearly stronger than me, even though he was holding me with only one hand now, so I failed.

"Let go of me!" I tried to shout as loud as I could, but given the state I was in, it came out more like a muffled cry.

"Jennifer, no. Never say that to me ever again. It's the one thing that hurts me the most. I will never let you go. Do you hear me?"

"You already did once." I said, looking down to avoid his gaze.

I had stopped fighting. It was of no use anyway.

"Don't do this to me. To us. We have both suffered more than enough, don't you think?" he said, his voice cracking a bit.

He placed his thumb and index finger on my chin and lifted it, forcing me to look at him. I noticed tears had formed in his eyes and felt like I myself was on the verge of crying.

"Let me do right by you. That's all I'm asking for. Look past your anger and give me a second chance. We can go back to being friends again if you wish. I can't stand not talking to you any more. Please." he begged.

Seeing him like this was breaking me on the inside. I couldn't stand this. I needed to be alone. I needed him to leave, so I did the only thing I could think of that would actually work.

I leaned closer to him and kissed him. I felt him ease up as he proceeded to set my arms free and cup my face with both hands.

A/N: I really shed some tears writing this one. It is not the end of the chapter, I just had to split it in two because I ended up with a 1400-words long 11th chapter and a 300-words long 12th one. Will be posting the second part tomorrow probably. I have officially run out of chapters to post, except for chapter 12, so I have some serious writing to do over the weekend.
Xoxo Eva💕