The night {Colifer fan fiction}

Chapter 16: Can you stop saying that?

Jen's POV

I crossed my arms on the table and rested my head on top of them. He stood up and came by my side. He then kneeled down to come to my level and started rubbing my back.

"Hey, look at me. Talk to me Jennifer. I can't stand being uncertain about you. It drives me crazy." he said.

"You don't say." I exclaimed without lifting my head.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me earlier. I love you." he said.

I then lifted my head slowly and sighed.

"You know, apologies don't always work. And can you stop saying that?" I said.

"Stop saying what?" he asked and gave me a sheepish smile.

Not a good time to play silly Mr. O'Donoghue.

"That last thing you said." I told him, motioning my hand towards him.

"That I love you? But I do." he said, smirking.

I smiled and stood up, him following suit.

"This can't work for like a million reasons and you know it." I told him.

"Jennifer Morrison, always overthinking everything." he said and tucked a loose strand of my hair behind my ear.

"So, about those pancakes?" I asked, looking over at the stove.

I needed some time to put my thoughts in order and reminding him of the long-forgotten pancakes seems like a good enough way of getting that time. He went back to cooking and I sat on the table. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice Colin placing a plate full of pancakes in front of me.

"Earth to Jennifer." he said, clicking his fingers in front of my face before sitting on the chair across from me.

His action forced me to snap out of my trance. I could use some food, I guess.

We ate without saying a single word to one another. After we had finished I put the dishes in the sink and sat back down on my previous seat on the table. I cleared my throat before speaking.

"Colin, we can't be a thing." I said, lowering my eyes so I was looking at my hands on the table.

That was too straight forward, I thought to myself.

"And why is that?" he asked.

"First of all, until recently, you were married. How do you think everyone will react if they knew we were seeing each other? People would speculate things. Rumors would spread really fast. And to be honest, they wouldn't be far from the truth." I explained.

He seemed to understand for a moment, but I knew him too well to know that he was only trying to think of something to say to oppose to what I had just said.

"Is that all? We can't be together because of some stupid rumors that will probably die out a week later? You can't be serious." He said.

He was right. About that part at least. But being called a home-wrecker wasn't exactly something I would like to be addressed as.

"It's not only about the rumors. People may stop watching the show because of that. We may lose our jobs. Is it worth the risk?" I asked.

"Why does it seem to me that you're simply making up some pretty lame excuses?" he asked without answering my previous question.

"Colin..." I tried to speak but he cut me off.

"No Jennifer, you listen to me. If you're so stubborn and can't accept the fact that I love you, then that is your problem." he said, emphasizing on the "your".

"I can't be your boy toy that you run to every time you're feeling lonely. I'm done with you." he continued and stood up.

I never thought a human being would be able to inflict so much pain by only using a few words. He was right, I suppose. I couldn't accept his feeling for me. I had feelings for him as well but I was too damaged to express them. Now seemed like the perfect time. It seemed that I was losing him anyway.

"I love you." I whispered.

He looked me in the eyes with a blunt face.

"Hell you do." he said.

For a moment I thought he was going to leave me right then, but thankfully he didn't.

"It's true, I'm not lying." I assured him.

"Maybe. But not in the way I want to be loved. Goodbye Jennifer." he said and left.

I stood there in complete shock, still processing what had happened. Last night I had him in my arms and today I lost him again. Why does this keep happening to us?

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We had three more days left of filming. I had finished all my scenes with Colin prior to our argument, which was a relief, because we weren't in speaking terms once again.

I flew back to LA and managed to get my mind off him for a while. I would spend almost four months away from him which I suppose was a good thing. Not having him around was easier than having to see him on a daily basis and know that I can't even stand to look at him. I hated him for leaving me once again.

I had seriously considered talking to Adam and Eddie about leaving the show after season 6, but I decided that that would be pointless. It would only show weakness, and I for sure wasn't weak. Not anymore.

The days passed by quite quickly. I had kept myself busy with producing my upcoming film and didn't realize how fast the time had come for me to return to Vancouver for filming.

When I returned, not a single thing had changed between us. Except, we only exchanged words to piss the other off. That was something I was getting good at. The hate between us was mutual and was growing by the day.

A/N: Jen seems quite bipolar, doesn't she?😶 If you are disappointed by this one, don't worry, I'm too🙌🏻 I hope the next chapter makes up for it😏 Will update on Sunday.
Xoxo, Eva💕